


The Purple Dot

by princess_mouse



Category: Rydan - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Escape, Flashbacks, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 09:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6001039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_mouse/pseuds/princess_mouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan has one chance to make a break for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tonight was the night.

Ryan drew the dark purple dot onto his wrist. Tonight he was going to try to get someone’s attention. He made sure it was able to be covered by his sleeves, it would hide along with the rest of his bruises. He couldn’t take it anymore.

 **Brendon, I need you to get me out of here.** He’d typed it a thousand times.

 **I need you to report him, Jon.** He’d typed that a thousand times too.

 **Spencer, I need you to drive me to a hospital.** He typed that out a thousand times as well.

 **Pete, I’m in an abusive relationship. I need to talk to someone.** He typed that out a thousand times more.

No matter how many times he typed it out over text, he couldn’t send it. The fear of cops knocking on the door or one of his friends, it would spark even more anger and pain. He knew the threats about involving people. Tonight he was going to be free of this.

Ryan’s boyfriend had a huge performance at a very successful nightclub. This was the perfect time to be separated from Mark long enough to get help. He prayed that someone would know the purple dot campaign. It was supposed to be well known for a lot of professionals – doctors, police, some bar tenders knew it. He hoped to God or any other higher being that someone would know about it. He adjusted his button down sleeve and covered up any evidence. He looked in the mirror for a moment, he adjusted his hair and made sure that he’d covered up the yellowing bruise on his cheek well enough.

Ryan’s hands shook as he put his contacts in. He was shaking in general. The only thing dividing them right now was a locked door. The only thing between Mark and freedom was this purple dot. He knew he was really reaching, who knew if this would actually work. He’d been so isolated from his friends and band since the break ups of both that no one really knew what was wrong. Maybe that was why he couldn’t bring himself to send his cry for help. Maybe it was fear they wouldn’t care after so long. Ryan knew it was probably in his head that no one cared. He had friends once, they have tried to contact him. It was his fault he couldn’t just say I need help. It was the fear Mark would find out and hurt him or them.

He looked at himself one more time in the mirror before he unlocked the bathroom door. This was the only room in their small house that had a lock besides the front and back door. Ryan took refuge in this bathroom a lot. He’d tried to over dose and cut his wrists open in that bathroom. He hid in there when Mark got angry when Ryan told him he was going to leave and he severely beat him. He stayed in there while he tried to stay alive from that beating. He stayed in there when Mark got so drunk he wanted to push Ryan around. He sprawled out on the cold tiles after rough sex and all he wanted to do was cry.

Ryan walked out of the bathroom to find himself slammed into the hallway wall. Mark looked him over, blue eyes staring at something. Ryan’s heart raced and he wondered if he knew something was up. Mark’s hand grabbed hold of Ryan’s chin and he squeezed hard, commanding Ryan to look at him. His brown eyes met those furious blue eyes and he felt his heart sinking. He knew that look. Mark was going to slap him around before they left.

“Pete phoned,” Mark yelled.

Ryan jumped, Mark’s free hand slammed the wall beside his head.

“What the fuck does Pete want?” Mark slammed Ryan’s head into the wall. Ryan could feel the tears already welling in his eyes.

“I said, what the fuck does Pete want?” Mark yelled.

Ryan was crying, he didn’t mean to start crying but he was scared and the grip Mark had on his chin hurt.

Mark slammed Ryan’s head into the wall harder.

“Fucking answer me, Ryan,” Mark’s grip got even tighter.

Ryan choked out an answer through his tears, “I- do-don’t know. Check m-my-phone Ma-Mark.”

Ryan felt a burning sensation across his cheek. Mark had slapped him hard with his free hand. His other hand was still gripping Ryan’s chin. He slapped Ryan once more before making direct eye contact and snarling , “You better not be lying and he better not fucking call here again.”

Mark slammed Ryan’s head into the wall one more time before releasing his death grip on his chin. Ryan instinctively looked away from him. He knew his lip was split and his cheek would be red. Mark stepped away from him. Ryan stayed against the wall, tears poured from his eyes in watery cascades, one hand came up to his lip and lightly touched the split flesh. Mark watched his every move. Ryan feared breathing at this moment. Mark moved forward and Ryan quickly move away from him.

“Hey, Ryan. Hey look at me,” Mark’s anger had melted just like that. Ryan hated when he was like this. He would fly off the handle then he’d realize he overreacted and had to do damage control.

He grabbed Ryan’s arm and pulled him into his chest. Ryan hated him. He hated him for doing this.

“You know how I feel about Pete…I’m sorry about your lip,” Mark cooed.

Ryan pushed away from him, “I’m going to go get cleaned up.”

***

Ryan looked out the window as they drove in silence to the club. He had managed to clean up the best he could. His lip had split and bled. There was no hiding that. Mark was pissed off about how his boyfriend didn’t look perfect. The whole drive was a blame game of how Ryan made him do bad things. Ryan bit the inside of his cheek hard and tried not to cry or yell at Mark. He couldn’t afford another fight right now. Mark couldn’t afford bad press, even though it might knock him down a peg.

Once the car was parked outback of the club Mark turned to look at Ryan.

“Ryan,” he said in an irritated tone.

Ryan dragged his eyes away from the passenger window and looked over at Mark.

Mark looked mad. “Ryan, you better have your story straight if anyone asks about that lip.”

Ryan shook his head in response and opened the car door.

It was going to be a long night. Ryan could only hope he was going to find freedom.

Mark uttered his final threats then walked away from Ryan. He had sound check and went to hang out with his band. Ryan walked over to one of the bars. This club had a main bar and two smaller bars set up. Ryan went to the least busy little bar and sat down. The bartender was a tall, slender guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. He took in Ryan’s presence and he drew his attention to the only person seated at his bar.

“What can I get you?” He asked with a guarded smile. Ryan can feel his eyes focusing on his face.

Ryan fidgeted with his hair a bit before asking for a beer.

“Any particular kind,” the bartender asked lightly. Ryan looked over his shoulder to see where Mark was.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ryan’s hands were shaking as he tried to pull out money from his wallet.

The bartender noticed, “Hey, are you ok?”

He asked with genuine concern. The shaking hands and swollen, cut lip said otherwise.

Ryan stumbled to answer him. He was scared. Where was Mark and if he saw him talking to the bartender would he be punished?

“I’m Dan,” the bartender said. His voice was gentle and kind.

“I-I’m- R-Rya-Ryan,” Ryan stuttered out. He was shaken, so scared he couldn't control it. This was his chance. The window of opportunity and he was too scared to try.

Dan poured him an import beer off the tap and put the glass down in front of Ryan. His hands instinctively held onto the glass to stop the shaking of his hands and body.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ryan,” Dan said.

Before Ryan could respond he felt a tight grip on his shoulder. Dan had obviously noticed the wince he made when the person grabbed hold of him.

Ryan knew it was Mark. He hadn’t even been at the bar ten minutes and he was already being checked up on.

“Hey baby,” Mark said in his chilling voice. Ryan knew he was not in a calm mood. He saw Ryan talking to the bartender.

Ryan shifted in his chair and tried to gently shrug Mark’s hand off his shoulder.

Ryan breathed deep and cleared his throat before speaking, “Hey.”

Dan watched them. He knew he shouldn’t get involved but he could see Ryan obviously didn't want this guy around him. From the looks of it he was scared of this guy.

“Can I get you a drink?” Dan offered.

Mark looked at him, “Do you even know who I am? Yes, you can get me a drink.”

Dan rolled his eyes and grabbed a glass, “What’s your preference?”

“My preference would be for you to stop flirting with my boyfriend,” and with that Mark grabbed Ryan’s beer and whispered something in his ear.

Dan watched Ryan’s face drain of color and he shook his head in defiance. He whispered some more and walked away.

Ryan sat there. He was tearing up snd there was no stopping it. Dan felt his heart clenching in his chest.

“You can do better,” Dan said as he filled another glass with import beer.

Ryan’s fingers started to itch and his skin burned.

His right hand unbuttoned the left sleeve of his black shirt and he rolled it up a bit. He rolled up the sleeve just enough to expose the purple dot and grabbed the beer glass with his left hand.

Dan could tell from the scars across his wrist, Ryan had obviously tried to hurt himself in the past. He noticed a tattoo that said Thin As A Dime. There were bruises where his wrist and forearm had been grabbed at force. Some of the bruises were fresh while others were yellowed and healing, making new spaces for more to litter his skin. Among all the scars, bruises and tattoos, Dan could see it loud and clear.

He’d never been educated in this. He was only a guest bartender for the night. He’d heard of the campaign though. He understood what Ryan was doing, what he was risking.

He locked eyes with Ryan and he could see someone who was praying he got the hint. Ryan was begging him to get it. Dan shifted his gaze over to the stage and dance floor. He surveyed the place looking for the asshole who was hurting Ryan. He didn't see him. Something in him started to undo his apron. Dan looked back at Ryan for a moment.

“Let’s go,” Dan said quickly. His own heart racing in minor panic.

Ryan looked dumbfounded. He felt a world of emotions hit him at once making him unsure. Had this really worked? Was this truly happening?

Dan walked around the bar and put his hand out to Ryan. “I know you don’t know me but I will get you away from him.”

Ryan didn’t know what made him jump up so quickly. He didn’t know what made him take Dan’s hand. Maybe it was because he was thinking of Aladdin which was such a Brendon Urie type of thought. Dan's outstretched hand saying _do you trust me?_ Ryan couldn’t breathe.

Dan dragged him through the back of the club and into the parking lot. Ryan didn’t realize he was hyperventilating but Dan had as he walked Ryan over to his car.

“Hey. Ryan, you’re ok. I won’t let him hurt you, ok?” Dan whispered as he pulled Ryan into his chest. Ryan grabbed onto Dan and clung to him. This was it. This was his chance to get out. Dan’s hands were gentle as he rubbed his back. He hummed quietly a song Ryan didn't recognize but it brought him ease. Dan didn’t want to break this moment between them but he knew the longer they stayed the more risk Ryan had at being caught by his boyfriend.

Dan gently pulled away and brought his hands up to cup Ryan’s face. Ryan jerked away quickly. Dan gently tried again. “Ryan, look at me.” His voice was calm and compassionate. His gestures were soft and gentle to the touch. Ryan looked at him. He had tears still in his eyes and he felt overly emotional.

“Ryan, we have to go.” Dan’s thumb wiped away some tears. “I won’t hurt you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a little idea I had floating in my head.  
> Based off the idea of The Black Dot Campaign - I changed the idea up and went with a different approach to it. It is still a work in progress and I might change it up later.  
> I wrote this back two years ago and just thought I should post it for someone to read. 
> 
> If you like it I might consider expanding and finishing it up.
> 
> Story edited and parts rewritten - June 2017


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know yet. 
> 
> I have cold feet still about this story.

Ryan’s head was spinning as he sat in the front seat of Dan’s BMW. He felt like he was underwater. Everything was muffled and blurry. There were tears in his eyes and he felt scared. He wasn’t only scared of what Mark would do but he didn’t know Dan. He kept his eyes glued on the passenger window. He watched as the world moved by. 

“Ryan?” Dan called to him for the fifth time. Trying to break Ryan out of his thoughts seemed impossible. It occurred to Dan that maybe that was the one safe place Ryan had left. 

Ryan’s eyes were red from crying, and his breathing was still staggered. It was becoming worrisome to Dan that Ryan wouldn’t talk to him. Without thinking Dan reached his right hand out and touched Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan shuddered and jerked away. 

Realizing what he did wrong, Dan tried to calm the situation down.

“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I just need to know if you need anything from your house,” Dan said in a calm voice. 

Ryan felt a flood of emotions as he looked over to Dan. He was going to be able to get some stuff and leave. There was really only a few things he valued back home. All his guitars and music gear was left with Jon. 

“I have a few things I need. I live on Orchid Road,” Ryan said in a small voice. 

Dan gave Ryan a reassuring smile. “I know where that is,” Dan said with a calm tone. He didn’t want Ryan to feel uncomfortable. He knew he couldn’t ease this pain. They hardly knew each other but somehow it felt like he owed Ryan this. 

It was a twenty minute drive to Orchid Road. Ryan didn’t say a word the whole time. It was as if he was too scared to. It wasn’t until Dan almost blew past his house that he finally spoke up and said stop. Dan pulled into the driveway of a red brick bungalow. From the outside it looked like a nice little house. There were no other cars in the drive way and the lights were up. Ryan visibly shook in the passenger seat. 

“Do you want me to come in or stay out here?” Dan asked cautiously. He felt his hands wringing the steering wheel. It was a nervous habit he had when he had a lot on his mind. Dan felt anger boiling within him too. Knowing this was where Ryan was trapped struck a chord in him that wasn’t positive. Ryan appeared to be hesitating a lot about Dan being there. 

Ryan cleared his throat and Dan noticed how Ryan was fidgeting with a ring on his finger. He was obviously weighing out his decisions. He was being careful to pick the right one so he didn’t get punished. 

Ryan looked over at him and for the first time Dan really felt like he looked at him. Blue eyes met brown and they took each other in. This was the first time either of them truly looked at each other with a different view of the other. Dan saw Ryan’s whiskey brown eyes, his round face, and small nose. His brown hair was styled and he was well dressed in a black button down and tight skinny legged pants. He was attractive. He was a beautiful person on the outside but whatever resided inside was broken and mangled. Even though he stood tall he looked small. He shrunk into himself as if that was the only way to physically protect himself. What Ryan saw in Dan was different. He saw confidence and compassion. He saw bright blue eyes and beautiful golden hair. Dan was very tall and he towered slightly over Ryan when they had hugged in the parking lot but that hug had felt safe. Dan was friendly and non-threatening. 

Ryan gave Dan a weak smile but a smile none the less. “I will go in. Ju-just honk if he comes home.”  


Dan could tell Ryan was putting on a front. Before Dan could reassure Ryan he would be ok, he opened the car door and ran into the house. 

Laptop, phone charger, glasses, leather jacket, dad’s dog tags, favorite shoes, books, and dad’s Russian Nesting Dolls. 

While packing Ryan realized he didn’t have a lot. The most important things to him were his dad’s possessions he left him. The few books he was allowed to have only took up a small amount of space in Ryan's suitcase. He only took the clothes he wanted and liked, he didn’t want the clothes Mark made him wear. After running from room to room packing everything he valued it hit Ryan. 

He was going to be free. 

This would be the last time he saw this house. The house that he worked so hard for and paid for half. Freedom had a price though and Ryan didn’t want to lose his one chance.  


With one last look around the house, Ryan zipped up his suitcase and walked towards the front door. He wasn’t going to leave a note or a text. His stuff missing should be enough. He could only tolerate so much. There was no looking back now. Ryan looked back at the landing of his house. There was nothing left for him here but memories. Memories that would be emotional baggage he would carry with him for a lifetime. 

He pulled the door open and walked past the threshold. Taking one last look behind himelf he slammed the door shut. 

There was no one chasing Ryan this time. 

Dan watched him closely. Ryan was looking back as if he was second guessing his choice. Dan waited to see if he was going to stay. He hated to believe Ryan would possibly back out but his boyfriend was fearsome. Ryan looked towards the car before looking back one last time. His hand grabbed the door handle and slammed the door shut. Dan didn't know if it was a sense of pride or just nerves that were bubbling in him. 

Ryan walked towards the car and walked over to the passenger door. He had one suitcase. Dan don’t know why but he expected Ryan would have more. 

“You can just throw your stuff in the backseat,” Dan said through the rolled down window. 

He watched Ryan’s body language as he put his suitcase in the backseat and climbed into the passenger seat. 

Ryan looked sad. Almost like he was reminiscing on something. 

He don’t know what came over him but Dan reached over and took Ryan’s hand. 

Dan thought he had to be breaching all kinds of boundaries with Ryan but he looked like he needed comfort. 

Ryan looked over at him and his eyes were watering. He squeezed Dan's hand back and smiled a little. He wasn’t the same person Dan had met in the club almost an hour ago. Ryan looked at him a lot but the fact that he seemed to trust him was a step in the right direction. 

“We should get going,” Ryan’s voice cracked as he spoke. 

Dan snapped out of his train of thought. He let go of Ryan’s hand and turned the key in the ignition. Backing the car out of the drive way this was the last time either of them would be on Orchid Road. 

Dan took a deep breath and cleared his head, “You ready?” 

Ryan nodded his head and proceeded to reach for Dan's hand. 

There was obviously nothing to say. The gesture was enough. This was Ryan’s way of saying thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes!!

Dan lived on the other side of L.A. 

There was no chances that Mark was going to find him all the way across the city. Maybe Ryan was beginning to feel too confident now that he was discrediting what Mark was really capable of. 

Ryan had never tried to run. He would get close but Mark would usually put him back in his place right away when he walked out of their bedroom with his suitcase. It took one beating for Ryan to know he shouldn't try to leave again. 

He felt safe with his hand clenching Dan’s. He knew he was probably coming off as desperate. Dan was only doing it for Ryan’s sake. It was pity. 

Dan noticed how Ryan was now crumbling in the front seat. The little bit of confidence he had when he left was now reduced to an empty and emotionless look. Ryan held his hand as if he was holding onto a life line. 

The drive continued on in silence till Dan finally pulled up in front of his condo. It wasn’t anything special in comparison to Ryan’s house but it was a home away from home nonetheless. Dan let go of Ryan’s hand so he could park the car and pull the key out of the ignition. 

“Well this is it, this is where I live,” Dan said as if he had to sell this place to Ryan. Dan got out of the car and walked around to Ryan’s side and opened the door. Like a deer in headlights Ryan froze up. Why would Dan open the door for him? He wasn’t special. 

Dan’s hand went out in the same “trust me” gesture he had made earlier at the bar and Ryan took his hand. Stepping out of the car and onto the street, Ryan felt the cool evening air hit his face. Dan had already gotten the suitcase out of the back seat and was leading Ryan towards the stairs that lead up to his condo. The walk up to the third floor seemed steep but Dan had a safe grip on Ryan’s hand as he led him to the door. 

Number 301. Dan’s thumb gently rubbed Ryan’s hand. His free hand fumbled with the keys to open the door and when he finally got the stubborn lock open, he pushed the door open. 

Ryan let go of Dan’s hand.He felt fear surging through him. He was at Dan’s condo. 

Dan walked in and flipped on the landing lights. 

“Come in, Ryan,” he said with a compassionate voice. 

It took all of Ryan’s being to make his feet move. It was like his feet were stuck in cement and he would have to pull as hard as he could to free himself. Ryan’s brain was working on overdrive. It was screaming warnings left and right about what he’d done and what he was about to do. 

Dan come towards the open door and extended his hand again. Somehow the gesture wasn't going to get old tonight. That hand was a welcoming gesture of trust and security. Ryan’s hands shook violently as he took hold of Dan’s hand again and with a gentle tug Dan pulled him into the landing of the condo. Dan pushed the door closed and locked the deadbolts. 

The shaking didn’t stop and Dan noticed. 

“Hey, you’re in a safe place,” Dan said as he nudged Ryan lightly. 

Dan pulled Ryan back into his chest. He realized that was a bold move but it seemed like Ryan was upset. It was awkward. Ryan was still holding one of Dan’s hands and the other hung at his side as Dan’s one free arm pulled him in close. The shaking of Ryan’s body started to slow down and it was obviously bringing him some form of comfort. Ryan snuggled in closer even if he didn’t hug back. It was as if touching Dan would make Mark furious. If Mark found him with Dan he would be livid.  


“You’re thinking loudly, Ryan,” Dan said in a concerned tone. 

Ryan was on the verge of tearing up. He felt scared. Even if Mark didn’t know where he was now that didn’t mean he wouldn’t find him. Mark had told him on numerous occasions that he would always know where he was. He would never stop searching. 

Dan sensed Ryan’s sudden shift in moods and though it best to release Ryan from the awkward hug. 

Ryan stood there feeling like he was trapped again. Dan was safe but he was locked in this condo. It wasn’t safe in the outside world to run free yet especially if Mark was going to look for him. Mark would win no matter what, Ryan would have to hide and never leave in fear of being found or he'd be found and dragged back home. 

“I’m sorry,” was all Ryan could squeak out before he felt his legs going weak and he was down on the floor before he could grab Dan’s arm to keep himself steady. 

Dan dropped down beside him right away. Concern and compassion were two looks Dan seems to wear well, Ryan thought to himself. 

Like a train, the tears and emotions hit Ryan at full force. He was terrified. 

Dan sat himself down so he could pull Ryan into his lap. It was a fight to get Ryan to come sit with him but once he scooped him up and cradled him in his arms Ryan calmed. “Whatever is going on in your head, know I will listen to you,” Dan whispered. His hands smoothed over Ryan’s hair and Dan rocked him a little just to ease tension building in Ryan’s body. He hummed songs, some of them Ryan knew and others he didn't recognize at all. 

Dan rocked them back and forth which only lulled Ryan till another wave of thoughts hit him. He was having a panic attack. 

“Breath in slowly, you’re going to be ok, Ry,” Dan whispered through the panic attack. 

Ryan didn’t get it. How could this stranger deal with him? No one’s ever wanted to deal with him before, why all of a sudden did someone care? 

Gasping for air and crying out incoherent sentences, Ryan felt himself becoming exhausted. His fight against himself was draining both mentally and physically. His lithe body relaxed into the hold Dan had on him. 

All the while Dan kept his tone calm and his gestures soft. He encouraged Ryan to breath and talked him through the panic attack. Ryan’s head rested on Dan’s chest as he tried to match his breathing to Dan’s. The sound of Dan’s heart beat managed to calm Ryan down even more. The arms that held him were not hurting him. The words Dan used were not venomous or painful but kind-hearted and friendly. 

Ryan wiped away some tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m sorry, I just got scar-scared, I am re-really sca-scared,” Ryan stuttered out. 

Dan shifted a bit so he could look at Ryan. His beautiful eyes seeing more than Ryan could ever know.

“You don’t have to ever say sorry for feeling scared. I promise Ry, I won’t let him anywhere near you,” Dan said in a reassuring voice. 

They sat in the landing of the small condo for almost an hour. Dan was in no rush to push Ryan away. It seemed like Ryan needed this. He needed to feel some stability. 

“Listen, how about I show you around the condo and we get you to bed,” Dan says smiling. 

Once Ryan was steady and standing up, he extended his hand out to help Dan up. Going from room to room of the small condo, Dan explained where the towels were and how to get hot water to switch on in the shower. The tour seemed short but Ryan was fascinated by Dan’s desk in the living room. Ryan was impressed with Dan’s sketches and art work. He wanted to look through all of Dan’s sketch books that sat on the desk. 

The only problem Ryan seemed to notice was the lack of bedrooms. Where exactly was Dan going to make him sleep? 

That was the cue for Ryan’s brain to start working on overdrive again. 

After the official tour of the condo, Dan asked Ryan if he wanted any food. 

Ryan declined. “I really could use a shower though,” was all Ryan felt he could ask for at the moment. 

“Of course. Don’t hesitate to ask me for anything, ok? You’re my guest and you’re welcome to stay with me as long as you need,” Dan said in his calmest tone. His smile could brighten anyone’s day. He had an infectious personality. 

Ryan shook his head in agreement. He couldn’t stay here too long. He didn’t want to be a bother. Dan’s girlfriend or boyfriend probably wouldn’t like him having a stranger in the place.  
Before Ryan turned to walk down the hall to the bathroom Dan’s voice stopped him, “Do you want me to call anyone for you?” 

The offer was generous and Ryan really wanted to call his friends but he wasn’t ready. He knew there would be a lot of explaining to do and he couldn’t emotionally handle that right now. 

“Thank you but not tonight. I am not ready yet,” Ryan head dropped down as he spoke. His eyes stared down at his feet. He didn’t want to reject Dan’s offered but he knew his friends would want to know a lot more than just a simple testimonial that he was leaving his boyfriend. They would want to know what was going on and why they haven’t talked to on another in over three years. 

Ryan exited the living room where Dan was sitting on the couch watching a movie. He walked into the landing where his suitcase was and dug out his sweatpants and a t-shirt. Then, he quickly made his way into the bathroom. The lights were dull and the fan was not that loud but once the shower was running Ryan felt the tears stinging his eyes. He sat down in the shower and let the warm water pour over him. The sense of freedom and the sense of fear were both wreaking havoc on his emotional state. Ryan felt a sob ring out in the bathroom and he hoped Dan didn’t hear him. It was sinking in now that he really had left. All Mark’s threats that seemed so empty at the time were probably a reality now. He was going to be hunted down and found. He couldn’t stop sobbing. All the threats were so crucial to keep Ryan in line and keep him quiet. 

What if he had just put his friends in jeopardy? What about Dan? 

If Mark finds him with Dan he will kill them both. 

Mark very rarely used death threats but Ryan knew how he could use his fists. Even if there was no intention to kill the sheer amount of anger and aggression Mark carried could kill unintentionally. 

Ryan let the water spray over him and he knew that he needed to pull himself together. He'd done nothing but cry all night. 

Ryan’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door. All he heard was Dan asking if he was all right.

“I’ll be out in a few,” was all Ryan could choke out. He made hasty work washing his hair and get out of the shower. When toweling off Ryan felt himself bumping bruises that still hurt. It served as a reminder of what would happen when Mark found him. 

Once dressed Ryan noticed the swollen lip from early that evening. Looking in the mirror Ryan noticed more than he cared to about himself. Once the makeup was all off there was no hiding that he had bruises on his face. With a small sigh Ryan exited the bathroom. Heading back down the hall he stopped to grab his glasses from his suitcase but it was gone. Walking towards the living room he saw Dan at the desk working away. 

“Uh-where is my suitcase,” Ryan asked in a barely audible voice. 

Dan stopped his sketch and put his pencil down before turning to look at Ryan, “It’s in my room, you can sleep there and I’ll take the couch.” 

Ryan shifted to find a comfortable way to stand, “I can sleep on the couch. I don’t want to be trouble.” 

Dan looked Ryan over and took in the appearance of all his bruises and stance. There were moments tonight where Dan saw Ryan with confidence but it seemed like a rare sighting. It was obvious Ryan suppressed who he was to make his boyfriend happy or to avoid conflict. 

“You’re not troubling me at all. I sleep on this couch a lot,” Dan laughed a little at his comment. 

Ryan shook his head. He absorbed the information and situation. He needed to gauge his options and consequences. 

“I changed all the sheets and left you towels in my room,” Dan stated wondering if that was what had Ryan looking so confused. 

“Thank you, Dan,” was all Ryan could say as he startef to worry his bottom lip. Dan hadn’t noticed that before but he couldn’t help but find it to be in the oddest way attractive.

Dan watched Ryan for what seemed like forever even if it was only seconds. “The door locks too, I thought you might feel more at ease and comfortable with a door that's locked.” 

Ryan felt his heart jump a bit. A door that locks? He would be able to lock a door while he slept? Somehow this surged excitement for Ryan. He was tired and the thought of a safe place to sleep made him eager to get to bed. 

“Goodnight,” Ryan murmured gratefully. He was drained emotionally and physically from this night. 

Dan gave him the sweetest smile. It was the kind a loving parent gave to their child. “Goodnight Ryan. If you need anything don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

With that Ryan smiled back at him. This was a different smile though – it was his real smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though I have to keep writing this since my friend is bugging me for more!
> 
> Also I know there is a lot of repeat content but victims of abuse tend to a hard time breaking free of the abuse mentally! So Ryan is going to question a lot of stuff and its going to be repetitive but with good reason and intentions!


	4. Chapter 4

Dan’s bedroom was very simple. He had a queen sized bed, dresser, night table, T.V., and closet. The walls had various framed pieces of art, posters of bands called Recover and Young Love, and some records. Ryan locked the door and walked around the room admiring all of Dan’s accomplishments both musically and artistically.

Ryan found his suitcase at the foot of the bed. He dug through his bag till he found his glasses and contact lens case. Quickly removing his contacts and putting on his glasses he felt relieved. He didn’t wear his glasses a lot because Mark had a habit of breaking them. He also told Ryan he was ugly in glasses on numerous occasions. 

Ryan put his contact lens case back in his suitcase and he looked around the room again. It was safe. The door was locked. Dan was close if he needed him. The tiredness was starting to take hold of Ryan so he pulled himself up from the floor where he had sat down. He looked at Dan’s bed. The duvet was black and the sheets a charcoal gray. Two pillows sat waiting for Ryan to rest his head. Pulling the sheets back Ryan sat down. It didn’t take long for him to lay down, take his glasses off, and pull the blankets over himself. Looking over to the bedside table where the lamp was Ryan noticed the bottle of water and some toast. 

Dan was truly considerate. Ryan was too tired to eat right now but he turned off the lamp that was casting a glow in the room and snuggled down in the bed. He hoped sleep would come easily. 

***

Dan lay awake on the couch. He found it hard to fall asleep because his thoughts kept drifting back to Ryan. Ryan who was sleeping in his bed. Ryan who he held close to his chest. His heart broke for the smaller man. 

How could someone harm another in that way? 

Ryan was covered in bruises. Some new, some that were healing. He obviously took care of himself when this happened. 

Dan wished he could have called someone for Ryan. Didn’t he have friends or family that were worried about him? He was worried and he hardly knew Ryan. He knew he couldn’t fore Ryan to contact people but hopefully he would open up more and talk to him. 

The rest of the night Dan spent lying awake on the couch. Once and a while he would get up and walk down the hall to see if he could hear anything from Ryan’s room. He didn’t intend to be snoopy but he wanted to have peace of mind that Ryan was asleep. 

***

Ryan’s dreams were laced with fear. Even behind a locked door in a condo across town, he didn’t feel safe. His dreams consisted of Mark finding him. Another was waking up and this escape was all just a dream. The last dream Ryan awoke from was Mark slowly strangling him. He ended up staying awake the rest of the night. 

He was too scared to close his eyes again and be jerked awake by another nightmare. 

The night soon faded into the light glow of morning. Ryan stayed in bed for as long as possible. Even with his bladder aching for relief, he didn’t want to leave the safety of the room. He wasn’t ready to face Dan. He wasn’t ready to accept that it was already the next morning. The minute he stepped out of this room he would be vulnerable. 

Ryan stayed in bed till he was quite sure his bladder would explode. Venturing out of the room he made a beeline for the bathroom. Ryan took his time, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. His lip was still swollen from last night. He hoped the swelling would go down soon. His stomach turned and he could feel the stomach acid burning his throat. Ryan had no reaction time, he choke on the bile in his throat, it came up in fast momentum, not giving Ryan enough time to get to the toilet, and he threw up in the sink. It kept coming up and Ryan could feel his eyes stinging with tears. He hated to throw up. There was many things he could handle but throwing up was not one of them. When his stomach finally calmed and all the bile was in the sink, Ryan searched for mouth wash. With the goal of fresh breath and the sink completely cleaned like he never was sick, he left the bathroom. 

“You ok?” Dan asked quietly. He was waiting outside the bathroom door. Ryan jumped slightly but knew Dan meant no harm. 

Ryan rubbed his hands over his face nervously. He felt so many things but he shook his head indicating no was the answer. 

Dan stepped towards Ryan, his fingers brushed on Ryan’s shoulders as he coaxed him into a hug. Ryan moved with the gesture and into Dan’s arms. His long arms wrapped around Dan’s middle and that gesture alone shocked Dan. He engulfed Ryan in a tight hug. He could feel Ryan’s heart beating fast in his little chest, his bony hips dug into his own skin, and his breathing was heavy. 

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours,” Dan whispered. 

Ryan breathed in Dan’s scent. He smelt like Old Spice and coffee. It was a comforting smell. Two things he liked. Ryan’s brain kept repeating the words Dan said. Did Dan call him pretty? 

Ryan kept calm. He was not going to cry today. “I don’t feel well,” Ryan said calmly. It wasn’t a lie. His stomach was quite upset this morning and his head was spinning slightly from all the nightmares. Dan’s hands rubbed Ryan’s back gently as if to ease away the queasiness.

“Is it nerves or do you think you're getting sick?” Dan asked.

That was a good question. Ryan didn’t know. His stomach was still upset but Dan was making him feel slightly better. 

“I think I am just a little worked up, that’s all,” Ryan whispered. 

Dan’s hand continued to rub Ryan’s back. “How about I put a movie on and make you something to eat. It’s something calming and if you don’t want to talk you don’t have too,” Dan suggested. Of course his offer sounded good to Ryan. He was given a choice if he wanted to talk. He liked that. Dan started to pull away and Ryan hugged him tighter, “Not yet. Please stay for a minute longer.” 

Ryan had no idea where that came from but he really needed this hug. Dan had hugged him a few times in the few hours they’ve truly been around each other but every time it seemed to make Ryan feel more comfortable. Dan noted that as an accomplishment. Here was Ryan, asking him to stay. He didn’t let Ryan go. He wasn’t going to let go till Ryan pushed away. That minute came and went and Ryan was still hugging him. His heart was now beating at a normal rhythm and he wasn’t breathing heavily anymore. He was perfectly calm. When Ryan finally let his arms drop, he looked up at Dan. He looked at him with complete confidence. He smiled a little and Dan smiled back at him. Obviously Ryan was getting a little bit of himself back, even if he was damaged. 

Ryan’s arms finally loosened and he felt it was ok to let go. He was tired and hungry. Dan’s suggestion was a good one and he felt it was the best choice he had. “What movie do you think you would like to watch?” Dan asked sweetly. 

Ryan usually didn’t get a choice. He hadn’t picked a movie in so long. He had always liked horror movies. 

“Maybe The Thing or you know Silence of the Lambs,” Ryan said in a low voice. He looked at Dan for approval. Dan’s fingers pushed a stray hair out of Ryan’s face. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Dan’s fingers on his forehead. 

“We can watch both,” Dan said quietly. Dan gently pushed Ryan’s body towards the living room. They moved at a slow pace but once he had Ryan in the living room, he offered him a seat on the couch. Dan had made sure to make his bed before Ryan woke up. Ryan sat down and curled his knees up into his chest. “You cold?” Dan asked him. 

“I should get my glasses. I’m a little blind,” Ryan smiled a little as he said it. He got off the couch and hurried back to Dan’s bedroom. He wanted to get out of his pjs and into some clothes. Dan searched his DVD collection to find the two movies Ryan had requested. It was an easy search and he had The Silence of the Lambs in the DVD player right away. Ryan who had somehow snuck back into the room quietly and was dressed. He was wearing his glasses with a black and white striped shirt, black jeans, and light gray cardigan. He looked handsome. The type of guy you would feel proud to call your own. He looked amazing even when he just threw anything on. 

Ryan was sitting with his knees curled up into his chest again. His head rest on his knees and he was staring at the TV like he never got to watch one before. He looked somewhere between lost and content. Dan hit play and excused himself to the kitchen to cook. It was going to be a simple meal. Eggs, bacon, toast, fruit, and a side of coffee. It was a balanced meal and light. Ryan had said he wasn’t feeling well and he thought it was his nerves. Even if it was nerves, Ryan needed to eat. 

It didn’t take long for Dan to finish making the food and he was pleasantly surprised that Ryan had such an appetite. “Do you want me to make you anything else?” Dan asked. He was willing to do anything. 

“I’m good but thank you,” Ryan’s politeness was darling. He went back to his previous sitting position. 

Dan couldn’t help but comment, “You can lay down if you like. You can’t be comfortable being cramped up like that.” 

Ryan looked over and the look on his face almost looked like he was thankful he was given permission to move. He moved in an awkward way to lay down. His head rested on the pillow Dan had left on the couch from his bed. They were near the end of the movie when Dan noticed Ryan had drifted off on the couch. He sat in the armchair and watched. Ryan’s small chest moved up and down lightly. He got up and took the blanket off the back of the couch to cover Ryan up. He didn’t stir. He was out. Dan sat down in the armchair again and watched Ryan sleep. He would be ok. He would get past this. 

Dan put The Thing in when the first movie ended and Ryan continued to sleep. It seemed nothing was going to wake him anytime soon. During the middle of the second movie Dan was quite invested. He hadn’t watched The Thing in a long time. He jumped a little when he heard a sound escape Ryan’s mouth. It wasn’t loud but it was enough to make Dan jump. Ryan’s body moved slightly and he seemed to be making little noises. Dan watched him closely, he shifted under the blanket like it was constricting him. Ryan jerked to the side a little and the noises he was making seemed to get a little louder. It was the whimpering sound he was making that made Dan get out of his chair and go over to the couch. His hand touched Ryan’s cheek ever so gently and cupped his face. “Ryan, wake up,” Dan cooed. His thumb rubbed Ryan’s cheek and he continued to call to Ryan asking him to wake up. Ryan’s eyes opened at a fast pace and he looked at Dan. His body shook and his eyes looked watery. 

“Hey. I’m not going to hurt you,” Dan cooed. Ryan knew that but he was a little scared. “Were you having a bad dream?” Dan asked. 

Ryan nodded and he closed his eyes. Steadying his breathing he opened his eyes again to look at Dan. “I had them all night,” Ryan said in a choked voice. He sounded like he wanted to cry but he wasn’t going to. He was going to be strong today. Dan’s thumb was still rubbing his cheek and he looked at him with such compassion and care. 

“What can I do?” Dan asked him desperately. If Ryan hadn’t really slept he wanted to help him. 

Ryan looked at him. Those whiskey brown eyes searched Dan’s blue eyes and they looked like they were pleading. Pleading for Dan to give him guidance and ease the pain. Ryan cleared his throat and looked into Dan’s eyes, “Can you…um, can you lay down with me?” 

Dan felt his heart flutter. Was Ryan really asking him to lay beside him? They hardly knew each other but he was asking him to do this? Dan tried to compose himself and not look so excited. 

“I could do that,” Dan said confidently. He knew this was a dangerous game. This could be considered taking advantage of Ryan because he was vulnerable. 

Ryan sat up giving Dan some space to take a seat on the couch. Dan got up and sat down and before he could ask Ryan how he wanted to do this he felt Ryan’s head plop down into his lap. Dan looked down and noticed that vacant look that Ryan got but he pulled the blanket up and snuggled in. 

Dan didn’t expect Ryan to talk. “He got me a dog once. She was a German Sheppard. There was nothing I wanted more than to have a dog. He let me enjoy the dog for a week. He got mad though and took her back to the pound,” Ryan said in a strained tone. 

“I never knew what I did wrong. It’s almost like he wanted to watch me be happy then tear that away from me. He did that when he bought me clothes. He would dress me the way he wanted then tell me how ugly the clothes looked on me or how I was ugly because I was so thin or that I didn’t look the way he wanted.” 

Dan didn’t know what made Ryan feel like he had to talk but he sat back and listened. He wasn’t going to stop him if he was going to talk. 

“I tried to leave once,” Ryan said hesitantly like he shouldn’t be talking about this. “I packed all my stuff when he was at band practice. I left it all at the door and I was waiting for him to come home so I could talk to him. He got so mad. He yelled at me and told me he would find me if I ever left. He beat me so bad I couldn’t go to the hospital.” 

“Ryan, he won’t find you here and if he does, I won’t let him through that door. He won’t touch you ever again,” Dan’s voice sounded intimidating he was angered. He hated Mark.

Ryan laughed nervously. “He’ll never let me go. He’ll kill me before he lets me go,” Ryan said. 

Dan stroked Ryan’s hair and tried to ease his own thoughts. 

“I’ll protect you,” Dan whispered. He felt his emotions getting ahead of him now. He was starting to hurt. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t put Ryan at risk staying here.  


“You’re thinking too loud, Dan,” Ryan said as he fidgeted with the blanket. 

Since when was Ryan gauging how he was acting? He was obviously more observant than Dan thought. He saw and felt more than he let on. 

Dan ruffled Ryan’s hair playfully, “Go to sleep. You obviously need it.” 

“No, I’m watching The Thing,” Ryan said in a childlike way. He was being defiant and he was having fun with that. 

Dan rolled his eyes, “You slept through most of it.”

“Start it over please?” Ryan said in the cutest voice possible. 

Dan was noticing how easily Ryan could get his way. He was cute. He could speak and the world would fall at his feet. 

Dan started the movie over and before he knew it Ryan was out cold. He slept through the whole movie. Dan switch over to the TV and watched baseball. Ryan slept for close to four hours. Dan noticed that he was probably not going to wake up anytime soon. Ryan was finally having a peaceful sleep. Dan had to sneak away to go to the bathroom but he replaced his knees with a pillow and Ryan continued to sleep. When he returned and sat down Ryan didn’t stir. He stayed sleeping for most of the day and Dan didn’t have the heart to wake him. 

Ryan was finding little bits of peace but also little bits of himself. 

What a difference almost a day can make Dan thought. 

When Dan got up again to grab a drink he pressed a kiss to Ryan’s forehead. Dan knew he shouldn’t do it but he couldn’t help it. Seeing Ryan sleep there so peacefully, he just needed to kiss him. Ryan would never now right?

Ryan felt it. He felt the feeling of lips pressing to his forehead. He smiled a little to himself. Nothing felt better than someone kissing you when you don’t expect it and they don’t think you are aware of it. Ryan’s heart fluttered a little bit in his chest. What a difference one person could make for him in one day. 

Hopefully it was up hill from here.


	5. Chapter 5

/Three Days Later\ 

Dan noticed a significant increase in comfort between Ryan and himself. Ryan was more social and would sit in the living room while Dan worked on his drawings. Dan had let him look through all his art books and paintings yesterday which kept Ryan occupied for a good two hours. He studied each piece and admired the work that was done. It felt like an ego booster for Dan who got to hear all the praise for how wonderful he was as an artist. 

Ryan looked better. He was not the quiet person Dan expected. He had a little energy and he would talk a lot about music. He talked about his guitars and how much he missed playing. He talked about books and his love for classic literature. Dan found out that Ryan went to university to study English and creative writing, then he got famous with the band Panic! At The Disco. He liked animals and wished to have a pet to help with his anxiety one day. Ryan took his coffee with one cream and one sugar. He loved hot sauce and extremely spicy chicken wings. It was interesting that he loved horror movies so much but sometimes he got scared and needed to cover his eyes. Dan caught him doing that during The Descent. Ryan would comb his fingers through his hair or tuck his hair behind his right ear when he got nervous about something; and he smiled to himself a lot over little things that made him happy, his cheeks would gain a little color and he would glow. 

Dan found himself always watching Ryan read or gently pluck away at the guitar he had brought out of the closet for Ryan to play. He looked at ease and so natural. Ryan seemed impressed that Dan was in two bands, he had a guest DJ job at some clubs, he bar-tended, and he was an artist who did his art for himself and for paid clients. Dan knew he was being watched sometimes as he worked away on a piece. 

They spent those three days either in silence or talking. Ryan was more aware of Dan’s presence and sometimes it was easy for him to say he needed a hug. 

Ryland began to get on Dan’s case. Warning him to think about Ryan and what this could do to him psychologically. Dan knew that he should be careful but Ryan made it hard for him to say no. When he had tears in his eyes and looked like a small child, Dan had to comfort him. 

***

It was the sixth day that Ryan was at Dan’s place and it was a stormy night. The thunder was rumbling above and the rain was pouring down. Ryan had gone to bed early because of a headache. Dan knew it wasn’t just a headache. He had caught Ryan looking at his phone that he had abandoned in his suitcase and hadn’t opened since the night he ran. He was upset by the messages and Dan had sat down on the floor in front of Ryan and slowly pried the phone from his hands. He knew who the messages and calls were from. Ryan tried to be courageous and put a smile on but Dan knew it was all an act. 

“He’s angry,” Ryan said as Dan held his iPhone hostage. Dan looked at some of the messages. Threats that escalated from simple verbal threats to bodily harm. Insults and hateful words thrown around in the threats. Promises that it was just anger and he would never truly hurt Ryan. Dan saw Ryan fidget with the hem on his sleeve. He could tell he was unsure about letting Dan see those messages. 

“Ryan, these messages….they are threats. This isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. He hurt you and he’s trying to intimidate you into coming back.”

Ryan had shifted and looked away from Dan. “I don’t want to see that phone again,” Ryan whispered. 

With that comment Dan took Ryan’s phone. They dumped his photos and contacts that were important onto Dan’s computer. They talked about getting Ryan a new phone in a while but for now Dan's phone was his if he wanted it. 

Ryan was a little off for the rest of the night. He went to bed early with a headache and Dan knew that Ryan obviously needed space. Dan spent the rest of the night working on a sketch. When the rain storm started Dan was already in his make shift bed. He felt almost as tired as Ryan must have been. The TV played quietly in the background as he tried to fall asleep. Dan was really starting to miss his bed, the couch was beginning to become slightly uncomfortable. 

The rain drummed down on the building and the thunder rumbled. Dan was restless thinking about Ryan’s phone. The messages he ended up reading were disturbing. Some of Ryan’s photos documented the abuse he was facing. Dan knew he really shouldn’t have snooped through the stuff they had uploaded but he needed to see what Ryan had been through. Dan tried to keep his mind off all the stuff he had read. The TV quietly played a rerun of CSI and the storm continued to pound down on LA. Dan was slowly drifting off after such an eventful day. 

It was a little after 1:00 AM when Dan awoke to the sound of knocking at the door. He was a little startled but he got out of bed quickly. He walked toward the door and looked through the peep hole. Dan could feel his nerves bubbling up into his throat as he looked through the peep hole and was met with furious blue eyes. The knocking got louder and Dan found himself backing away. He was quiet. He made his way down the hallway of his condo quickly and tried the bedroom door. 

It was unlocked. Ryan felt that trusting of him to keep the door unlocked? The knocking was getting louder and Dan knew even with the storm going on outside his neighbors were bound to hear it. 

“Ryan! Ryan honey, you need to wake up,” Dan said in a panic as he shook Ryan awake. 

Ryan was startled but he could sense by Dan’s panic something was seriously wrong. He looked at Dan’s face and it read nothing but fear. Dan pulled the covers back and tried to hurry Ryan. 

“Who’s knocking at the door?” Ryan asked now that he was more aware that someone was banging loudly at the door. 

Dan pulled Ryan up and he looked at him with the most desperate look. “He’s here. You need to trust me right now,” Dan said in a hushed tone. 

Ryan could feel the fear and panic weighing him down. He knew it was only a matter of time and he’d be found. He already had tears in his eyes that he couldn’t get rid of. He was going to be dragged back home by Mark. 

“Ryan, safest place for you is the closest,” Dan said breathlessly. He was already gathering all of Ryan’s things and shoving them into his decently sized closest. 

Ryan was in tears and could hardly keep his wits about him. Dan was trying to be quick since the knocking continued to get louder and he wasn’t going away anytime soon. Dan gently grabbed Ryan’s face with his hands and pressed his lips to his forehead, “I know this is scary Ryan but please trust me.” And with that Dan released Ryan and pushed him gently towards the closest. 

“I promise baby, he won’t find you here,” and with that Dan threw the blankets neatly across his bed and shut the door to his bedroom. He hurried down the hall and towards the door and threw it open with great gusto when he got there. 

Mark nearly knocked Dan on the chest. “Hello?” Dan said in a questioning voice. 

He stood taller than Mark. 

“I’m sorry if I woke you, I am looking for Dan Keyes,” Mark said in a very kind hearted voice. Dan knew it was all an act. He saw what Mark was capable of. 

Dan shifted so he was blocking his door, “I am he. What can I help you with?” 

“Um, a few days ago you were bartending at a club I was performing at-“ 

Dan cut him off before he could get much farther, “I’m sorry but I am not interested in men.” 

“That is not why I am here,” Mark said in a flustered tone. 

Dan eyed him up. “If you came here hoping to commission album art, I am sorry but we’ll go through our managers for that. I have a strict guide line I follow when I am commissioned for such jobs,” Dan said with a sound of irritation in his voice. He wanted to give off the impression he had been woken up from his sleep. 

“I assure you that is not why I am here…on your doorstep at nearly 1:30 AM,” Mark said clearing his throat. “I am here because the last time I saw my boyfriend Ryan, he was at your bar having a drink.” 

Dan tried to look bored with this whole interaction. “I helped a lot of people that night at my bar,” Dan said as if he didn’t give one fuck in this world. 

“I am worried about him. He’s been gone for six days. He’s got suicidal tendencies and he can be a real danger to himself,” Mark tried to come off as the caring boyfriend. Compassionate and sympathetic. 

It didn’t fool Dan one bit. 

“So, you tracked down my name and address and came over here to ask me if I’ve seen your boyfriend?” Dan made sure to sound as irritated as possible that Mark was wasting his time. 

The cold air trailed in from the wrap around balcony. The storm was still going and lightening lite up the sky off and on. 

“I wanted to know if he talked to you at all. If he left with someone?” Mark dug his phone out of his pocket and swiped through a bunch of photos till he came to a photo of Ryan. 

He showed Dan the screen and he pretended to focus on the unhappy looking photo of Ryan. “Please. If you remember him or recall him saying he was leaving or left with someone, tell me. I need to find him.” 

Dan just shook his head and smiled at Mark. He must have looked like a complete douche bag but that was his angle. “Listen, I don’t do much but ask my customers what they want to drink. I don’t have time to play therapist for people. I don’t recall him at all from that night. I was working,” Dan said venomously. 

Mark was a little taken back. “You are positive?” 

“I don’t even know who you are buddy so how am I supposed to remember your boyfriend? I served around two hundred people drinks that night at the club,” the venom and anger coming from Dan’s mouth must have intimidated Mark somewhat. 

“I saw him at your bar. You’re absolutely positive that you didn’t see anything?” Mark probed one more time for answers. 

Dan rolled his eyes, “No. Now can I get back to sleep? I have a meeting in seven hours about album art commissions.” 

“Of course. Can I leave you my number? If you hear anything, please call me. His name is George Ryan Ross. My name is Mark Ablemen,” Mark said as he handed over a piece of paper to Dan. 

Dan looked at the paper and folded it up in his hand. Mark seemed to be unsure of him. He looked Dan over a few times obviously trying to read him and his body language. 

“Anything else?” Dan spat as he shifted again to get ready to close the door. 

“No, only call if you hear something.” And with that Mark walked away into the rain storm. Dan watched him intently as he got into his car and drove off. It wasn’t till he was completely gone that Dan closed the door and locked all the deadbolts. 

This was the final straw for him. Ryan couldn’t stay here. He needed to get him to a safer place. He put the paper in his pocket and headed back to his bedroom where he had left Ryan. 

“Ryan, it’s safe come out,” Dan called to him. 

Ryan didn’t come out. Dan opened the door of the closet and saw Ryan curled up in the fetal position. He was small and curled into himself. Dan found himself laying on the floor beside Ryan. Hoping his hand rubbing his back and his words of assurance that Mark was gone was enough. Ryan’s chest heaved up and down in a complete ruckus. Dan knew this was an anxiety attack. 

“Sshh- Ryan it’s ok. He’s gone,” Dan soothed. Lying beside Ryan he tried to get him to calm down and listen to him. 

“Ryan, we are leaving in the morning. I promised I would protect you, and I will,” said Dan. He could feel his own anxiety rising. He loved his little condo in LA. He loved the life and friends he had here but Mark had shown up. It was the longest five minutes of his and Ryan’s lives and yet it was the one thing that was pushing him to make this decision. 

Dan sat up and decided to take matters into his own hands. Ryan needed sleep. They both needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Dan scooped up Ryan’s broken down body and walked him over to the bed. He laid him down with such care and pulled the blankets back so he could cuddle up with Ryan. Dan knew this broke every ounce of control he had left. He was way past over stepping the limits and in the end he didn’t care. He felt just as upset as Ryan. 

Tonight he came face to face with the man responsible for Ryan’s pain and there was danger now lurking near his home. He felt scared and he knew he was strong enough to tell Mark off and fight his own battles. It was the fear that he was putting Ryan at risk of being found when Mark returned. 

Ryan was still hyperventilating but Dan pulled him close and pulled the covers up. “Flip the lamp off, Ryan,” Dan said in a hushed tone. Ryan did as he was told and Dan snuggled into him. He didn’t care that he was spooning Ryan right now. Ryan didn’t seem to care. His left hand found Dan’s and he interlocked their fingers and pulled Dan’s arm tight around him. 

“Do-don’t leave me, ok?” Ryan stuttered. It was the way he said it that made Dan compliant. 

Dan squeezed Ryan’s hand to give him reassurance, “I’m not leaving you any time soon, sweet boy.” 

“I-I am scar-scared Dan,” Ryan said choppily through uneven breaths. His little chest was not seizing at such a rapid rate anymore but he was still upset. Dan could feel how tense Ryan was. This was going to be a rough night. There was no doubt Ryan would have nightmares. 

Dan kissed the back of Ryan’s head and hummed a familiar song. A song Ryan wrote years ago. One he thought he would never hear again from another human being. A small chuckle escaped Ryan’s lips and stifled the tears for a moment. Dan knew he was smiling. 

“Hey moon, please forget to fall down. Hey moon, don’t you go down,” Dan sang quietly to Ryan. He knew that it was a touchy song for Ryan but it was one of the most beautiful songs. He heard Ryan playing it off and on in the living room in the past few days. He would hum or sing quietly so he wouldn’t disturb Dan as he worked. Dan continued to lightly sing Northern Downpour for Ryan till he felt Ryan’s chest moving in normal breath beats. 

“I am scared too, Ryan,” Dan admitted. There was no shame in being scared. Ryan started to twist a bit in Dan’s arms and he let go of Dan’s hand. He twisted till he was turned around facing Dan. Ryan’s arms wrapped around Dan’s waist and he cuddled in. Dan was taken by surprise with the gesture but he let his hands fall to Ryan’s back again so he could stroke his back in a calming manner. 

Dan planted another kiss on Ryan’s forehead. He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t know if it was just his nurturing instinct or he was slowly falling for Ryan but he didn’t care. He had overstepped so many times it no longer seemed to matter. It was when Ryan pressed his lips gently to Dan’s a moment later that Dan knew there was no turning back. Ryan’s soft lips pecked Dan’s and though it was over just as fast as it had started, Dan felt a small spark. Ryan felt butterflies. It could have been fear of Mark being at the door or thankfulness that Dan was here. 

Ryan’s forehead now rested against Dan’s and his breathing was calm. His brown eyes looked at Dan and he could make out small details in the dark. He knew Dan was looking at him too. Dan was aware that Ryan was looking at him. He was gauging the situation and making decisions. It was a habit Ryan always had to think of the best moves. Much like chess he would try to figure out a strategy. Dan was aware of this and he played along. He let Ryan have all the control and right now Ryan was thinking of the next move. 

Ryan’s nose bumped Dan’s lightly as he pressed his lips again to Dan’s. His kiss lingered longer, lips exploring and taking in more of Dan’s. It was irresistible the way that Ryan’s teeth grazed and pulled at his bottom lip. Giving so little but so much all in one action. Dan felt himself comply. He went slow and gave Ryan more by kissing back. It wasn’t a fight for dominance but Dan let his hand come up and touch Ryan’s cheek to encourage they keep going. Ryan’s hand gripped Dan’s shirt and he pulled at it. Dan was surprised when Ryan’s tongue brushed against his lip and slipped gracefully into his own mouth. Dan’s tongue followed suit and their kiss deepened more. A small moan escaped Ryan’s mouth and Dan could feel the blush off Ryan’s cheeks. He made Ryan moan. Dan didn’t want to break this kiss, not for a million years but he knew things were getting too heated. Dan pecked Ryan’s lips one last time before bringing his hand down to Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan pecked him back and then settled. 

“Go to sleep, sweet boy,” Dan said trying to hide the smile on his face. 

Ryan chuckled at the name and snuggled into Dan’s body. “Goodnight.” 

Dan’s arms found their way back to Ryan’s body and he held him close. He was not going to let go of Ryan unless he had too. 

Ryan’s eyes were heavy and he could feel himself drifting off. He felt the warmth radiating off Dan’s body; he felt safe right now in Dan’s arms. Later in the day they would be going somewhere. Ryan didn’t know where they were going but Dan seemed to have a plan. The only thing he could really do was trust Dan’s judgement. Obviously this somewhere was a place Dan felt safe and he was taking Ryan there. 

Dan waited till Ryan was asleep before he closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to sleep much tonight. The events of tonight had upset him. He needed to be strong for Ryan and he knew the next step was to relocate them. In the morning Dan planned to call his mother and encourage Ryan to contact his friends to check in. It was only a matter of time before they would be on the road and hopefully put some miles between Mark and themselves. 

If only morning would come sooner.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning was chaos. Ryan was still asleep as Dan packed. Dan had hardly slept all night. He was on the phone with Ryland and Vinnie explaining the situation at length. Begging for them to pack up what he didn’t take with him today. It hurt him to pack up the life he had started here in LA. Dan had yet to call his mother. He wanted to put some distance between them and LA before he called her. 

There was a pang of guilt in Dan. Last night had gone too far, even if Ryan instigated it. He needed to have self-control. 

When Ryan finally woke up he was not in the chattiest mood. He showered and got dressed. He packed his own bags before asking Dan if he needed help. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” Ryan said looking down at his feet. He was standing at Dan’s desk, slowly packing up his art supplies. 

Dan stopped packing for a moment. He gave Ryan his attention in hopes he would look at him. “Why are you sorry?” 

Ryan kept his eyes down on the desk. He wished he hadn’t said anything. It took all his will to look over to Dan and make eye contact. “The kiss, I am sorry if I was pushy,” Ryan said with a little bit of a blush. 

“You felt like you were pushy? I’ve felt pushy for almost a week,” Dan said astounded. Ryan’s burning cheeks lite up more and he quickly turned away from Dan. There was no hiding his tiny smile on his face. 

Dan left him alone for the rest of the morning. Ryan might not have been in a talkative mood but his body language was flirty. He didn’t care about what happened especially after Dan confirmed how he felt. 

***

Ryan made lunch much to Dan’s protests and he found himself impressed with his cooking skills. They sat in silence though as they ate. When the dishes were cleared and cleaned up, Dan decided to engage in conversation. 

“Ryan, do you want to call anyone before we leave?” Dan asked cautiously. He wanted to approach this subject before they left. Ryan ran his hands through his styled hair now ruining it. His body tensed and he no longer was the person Dan was getting to know. He was drawing into himself. He said nothing but shook his head no. That was the end of the subject. Ryan had left the room to do something in another room. Dan felt defeated by this action. 

Dan let Ryan have space till it was almost time to leave. He found Ryan sitting at the desk, staring out the window. His cheeks were tear stained and he looked like he was inside his head. Dan approached with caution and his hands gently rested on Ryan’s shoulders. Ryan was calm and didn’t jerk away from him. His breathing said he was still a little upset but he leaned back in the chair. His head craned back to look at Dan. Ryan’s eyes were swarming with emotion but he tried to smile. 

“Can I kiss you one last time in LA?” Dan asked looking down pleasantly at Ryan. The color rose in Ryan’s cheeks and he smiled at Dan.  


“You can,” Ryan said almost in a whisper. 

Dan leaned down and softly sealed his lips around Ryan’s. It was natural, Dan’s hands came up to cup Ryan’s cheeks. His tongue grazed Ryan’s lips and he allowed Dan complete control. Ryan’s lips curled up into a smile and his cheeks were burning red. Dan could feel that smile against his lips and he ruined the kiss by chuckling but it didn’t seem to faze Ryan who pecked at his lips a few times.

“Are you ready?” Dan asked as he started to straighten up. 

Ryan pulled himself up and cleared his throat. “I think so,” he said and with that he extended his hand out to Dan. It was the second time that he had made that gesture to Dan but he liked it. 

***

“What about your parents?” Dan had managed to get Ryan to talk a little bit. 

He fidgeted with the rings he had put on his fingers. He had explained that they were his fathers. Championship rings that meant the world to his father. He had explained each ring and when his father had got them. He told Dan how excited he was to put them back on. 

“My mom ran off to pursue better things. She has another family. I knew she was never coming back,” Ryan said matter of factly. 

Dan didn’t know what to say. 

“My dad is another story. I don’t feel ready to talk about that, I’m sorry,” Ryan said as he looked down at his hands. Soon Ryan was back to closing himself off. 

Dan left him alone for most of the car ride out of the state. 

“I was in an abusive relationship,” Dan said to break the silence. 

Ryan looked over at Dan, he studied his facial expressions. “When was that?” 

“That is why I was in L.A. I needed space away from him and then I got a job. I know what you have been through,” Dan said. 

“Oh,” Ryan said nervously. It was like he was scared talking about this topic. “I met Mark three years ago. It started out ok, then one day he snapped at me because I wanted to go back to Vegas to visit my dad’s grave,” Ryan’s hair run through his hair. 

Dan kept his eyes on the road, he felt like he would crash the car is he looked over at Ryan. “Why didn’t you leave the first time it happened?” 

“He broke my wrist, I was too scared,” Ryan said solemnly. 

Dan was angered hearing that. No one should have to suffer for wanting to visit a parent. “Did you at least go to the hospital?” 

“I went a few days later when the bruises healed,” Ryan murmured almost ashamed. “I didn’t go to the hospital a lot. I needed permission, usually Mark’s manager would send someone over to take care of the breaks and sprains.” 

The conversation died off there and the rest of the car ride to their pit spot was silent. Dan knew of the perfect little motel tucked away in a small town. 

It wasn’t beautiful. It was probably one of the ugliest little motels but it would be safe. It was the halfway point in their twenty one hour drive to Texas. Ryan had dozed off during the drive but Dan lightly poked at his cheek. 

“Wake up sleepy head,” Dan cooed. He kept poking at Ryan’s cheek.

Ryan’s hand made a shooing motion. He seemed irritated but opened his eyes and glared over at Dan. 

“What?” he groaned as he rubbed his eyes with his hands. 

Dan backed off a little bit, “We’re stopping for the night.” 

Ryan didn’t question him. He didn’t care at the moment. He was feeling tired and numb. Talking about his family and Mark was a mistake. He was to open with Dan sometimes. This poor man was going to get sick of him soon. 

After getting the room key to their dank little room, Ryan realized why they were staying here. It was clean but a small hide away. The whole room was floral and wallpapered. It was truly an ugly sight but the doors locked and Dan was there. 

“I know it isn’t pretty but I promise you this is a good place for us to stay and get some rest,” Dan said.

“I can always drive,” Ryan offered as a solution. 

Dan smiled at him as he stripped the bed to inspect it. He explained how he was sorry they had to stay here and asked if Ryan wanted to go get something to eat. 

“I’m not hungry,” Ryan said as he flipped the T.V. on. He had taken up a spot on the queen sized bed and propped a pillow up so he could comfortably watch MTV.

Dan sat down beside him, “We can order a pizza.” 

“Dan,” Ryan tried to say but he was feeling frustrated. 

Dan stretched out on the bed and stared at the ceiling. What an awkward sight this was. “I hope you aren’t easily alarmed…but there are mirrors on our ceiling,” Dan laughed.  


Ryan instantly looked up at the ceiling to be met with his reflection and Dan’s goofy smile. “What the fuck?!” Ryan said in shock. His disgusted look was met by Dan laughing really hard. 

“You brought me to a sex motel?” Ryan accused as he kept staring at Dan’s reflection. It honestly was hard to keep his annoyed look on his face. Mirrors on the ceiling? The look on Dan’s face was full of amusement and he was happy. Even in the scariest of times and he could laugh. Ryan wanted to be annoyed but he could feel the laughter erupting from him. 

“I didn’t mean too. It’s not like I’m asking you to try the mirrors out with me or something,” Dan joked. 

“Don’t tempt me,” Ryan said drawing Dan’s attention away from looking at himself in the mirrors to instantly looked over at Ryan in the bed. 

Ryan met Dan’s eyes, “I mean it. Don’t tempt me.” 

“I’m a respectable man. To charm me out of my pants you’d need to buy me a pizza,” Dan teased. 

Ryan laughed, “I’m a classy boy. Tell me I’m beautiful and give me pizza. Then we can talk business.” 

“You are beautiful inside and out,” Dan said sincerely. He meant it, Ryan truly was a beautiful soul. 

Ryan’s fingers crept across the small space between Dan and himself, his fingers gently finding their way into Dan’s hand so they could link fingers. 

“Shut up,” Ryan laughed but his cheeks were turning red. 

Dan was going to seize the opportunity to tease him about it, “Someone’s blushing.”

“No-I- just shut up and kiss me already you fool,” Ryan demanded. 

Dan liked commands and he complied with Ryan’s orders. 

The mirrors on the ceiling continued to entertain them till Ryan fell asleep. 

Ryan had fallen asleep with his head on Dan’s chest while watching TV. His little chest would rise and fall calmly. Dan played with Ryan’s messy hair as he slept. He cuddled into Dan’s body like he was always meant to be there. Dan felt like that was possible. He stayed awake till he no longer could keep his eyes open. He felt like they were in a safe enough place to finally let his guard down. Dan might actually sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one I write this for has returned so hopefully will be updating this more often. 
> 
> I apologize if this sucks.


	7. Chapter 7

“Get off me,” Ryan yelled. 

His screams jarred Dan out of his deep sleep instantly. Ryan thrashed against the sheets and Dan’s arm around his waist.

“I don’t want this. Stop, please stop,” his voice now pleading. Tears soaked his cheeks and his breathing was catching as if he was being choked. 

Dan released his hold on Ryan and turned on the bedside lamp. Beside him Ryan moved away and fought. His pleading voice becoming more desperate and scared. Dan’s hand gently gripped Ryan’s shoulder and shook him. 

“Wake up, Ryan,” Dan said as he shook him lightly. He didn’t want to be a threat. He tried to draw Ryan out of his nightmare without causing him any harm. Ryan jerked away from his hold and was fighting his nightmare more. “Please Ryan, wake up baby. It’s just a nightmare,” Dan said shaking him more. He needed Ryan to wake up. 

Ryan’s cries for help and screams of agony were almost too much for Dan. 

“Mark, please stop.” 

He wouldn’t snap out of the nightmare, no matter how hard Dan shook him. Ryan’s cries turned to sobs and he pleaded more. His body went limp and compliant with whatever was happening in his nightmare. Dan got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to turn on the bathtub. He ran the cold water, leaving the tub to fill up as he returned to the bedroom area. 

Dan was careful as he lifted Ryan up in his arms. He was so skinny, he was easy to lift up. His tinny body was limp and shaking a bit, he still wouldn’t wake up. Dan walked slowly to the bathroom, noticing the tub was half full. He lowered Ryan into the cold water. A shudder went through Ryan’s body as Dan lowered more of his body into the icy water. The water engulfed Ryan’s clothed body and Dan could feel him shivering from the cold water. His right arm had a firm grip on Ryan’s shoulders as he lowered the smaller man further into the water.

Using his free hand, Dan cupped some water into his hand and dampened Ryan’s hair and face. 

“Listen to my voice, Ryan,” Dan said still dampening Ryan’s hair and face with cold water. He could feel Ryan’s body shivering from the cold water and he seemed more calm. 

“I’m here. Listen to my voice and wake up for me, baby,” Dan cooed. “Ryan, you are with Dan and you’re safe. Mark is not here.”

Ryan moved slightly in response. 

“I’m here, sweet boy,” Dan said almost desperately. He scooped more water to wet Ryan’s face. 

“Wake up, babe,” Dan begged. 

Ryan’s breathing hitched, and he jerked swiftly in Dan’s arms. He was panicking because he was suddenly hyper aware he was in water. In his nightmare he was on the floor, why was he suddenly in water? He was cold and he could hear Dan’s voice more clearly. Where was Mark? He was now gone and only the bright light of the bathroom light burned his eyes. Dan was looking down at him with the most concerned look on his face. 

Dan saw the terror in Ryan’s brown eyes. His eyes were puffy and red looking back at him. He continued to shake. Dan’s wet hand came up to stroke his cheek. “You’re ok,” Dan assured Ryan. 

“I’m so cold,” whimpered Ryan. 

It didn’t take long for the warm water to fill the half filled tub. Dan got Ryan sitting up. Instinctively Ryan pulled his knees up to his chest. 

“Ryan, are you warm enough?” Dan asked sitting down beside the bathtub. He had just returned to the bathroom with a change of clothes for Ryan. During his brief absence Ryan had stripped out of his wet clothes and was again in a guarded position. Dan could see scars up Ryan’s bare back. There were cigarette burns as well. He also noticed a tattoo he’d never saw before. Dan tried not to stare at Ryan’s naked body. 

“I’m fine,” Ryan said hoarsely. He couldn’t look at Dan, he was to embarrassed. He knew Dan was seeing him naked. 

Without thinking Dan reached out to touch Ryan’s shoulder. 

Ryan jerked away from the hand that touched him. He felt trapped. Dan wasn’t a threat but he was light headed and his anxiety was high. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan said sadly as he withdrew his hand. 

Ryan turned his head to look over to Dan. He hated making Dan feel so on edge. “Can you wash my hair?” Ryan squeaked out. 

“Of course, Sweetheart,” Dan said. He stretched up to get the small bottle of hotel shampoo. He poured some shampoo into his hand and returned to the side of the tub. He was slow but gentle with his hands. He massaged the shampoo into Ryan’s damp hair. He was careful to not get any of the foam in Ryan’s eyes. There was no response from Ryan, he stayed still and quiet. 

“Hey, I’ll turn the shower on and you can finish up ok?” Dan said withdrawing his hands from Ryan’s hair. 

Ryan shook his head in response and Dan turned on the shower for him.

When Dan finally exited the room and he heard the door click shut, he washed the suds out of his hair. Ryan took a deep breath and unplugged the stopper from the tub. He wasn’t going to cry or shut Dan out over this nightmare. Exiting the tub, Ryan toweled down. He noticed in the mirror how blood shot his eyes were. His head hurt a bit but he knew that was from stress. Looking over at the counter he noticed the clothes Dan had picked for him. 

Pulling on his boxers and plaid pajama pants, Ryan noticed the scars up his back in the mirror. Dan had to have saw them. A sudden pang of shame came over him as he pulled on his gray t-shirt. Why did he ever let the abuse get so out of hand that he was permanently scarred? 

Ryan didn’t want to look at himself anymore. He was a disappointment to himself. He left the bathroom quickly to be met with the concerned look of Dan, who was sitting up in bed. 

“Ry, come back to bed,” Dan said. He pulled the sheets back and welcomed Ryan back to the safety of his arms. 

Those words brought comfort to Ryan. Dan wasn’t addressing what happened. Ryan crawled back into the bed and was met by a light kiss to his temple. 

“Dan, I’m…,” before Ryan could finish his sentence he was cut off by Dan.

“When you’re ready to talk, we will. But for now we need to sleep,” Dan said sweetly as he pressed another kiss to Ryan’s temple. 

He stopped trying to justify what happened. Instead he let sleep overcome him. The warmth of Dan’s body beside his brought him more comfort. In the morning he wanted to talk about what happened. 

***

The next morning was dreary. 

Ryan and Dan had made it their personal goal to be on the road by 10:30 am. With coffee and doughnuts on hand, they were off again. Dan had the stereo on which was playing classic rock music. 

“I like this song,” Ryan remarked as Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys played on the radio. 

Dan looked over at Ryan. He had zero emotion on his face but his words were genuine. “It’s a great song. Are you a Beatles fan?” 

Their drive was now full of conversations of music they loved. The sun eventually came out and eliminated the dreary clouds. Time was flying and soon the Welcome to Texas sign was in sight. 

“Where in Texas did you live?” Ryan asked trying to make conversation. 

Dan kept his eyes on the road but a smile brightened up his face, “I grew up in Austin but we made the move to Archer City after graduation. It’s a quieter place.”  
“It sounds nice,” Ryan remarked as he looked out the window. 

Dan’s hand squeezed Ryan’s, “I think you’ll love it there. There is a few historical theatres and bookstores that you’ll like exploring.” 

“Sounds like a dream come true,” Ryan said through a small smile. It was the first time that he had smiled that day. 

They still had a long way to go before arriving in Archer City but now that they were in Texas there was now enough space between them and Mark.


	8. Chapter 8

His phone was flooded with text messages from Ryland.

Each one a warning about being to deep in this whole rescue mission. Every kiss was a debt to the devil. Another blow to the fragile psyche of this broken human. Dan was growing tired of these texts. He knew what he had done and what he was doing.

There was no denying it that he was getting attached to this person and the last thing he wanted to do was to abandon him after all this. Wasn’t the point to find a safe place for him?

He was safe. Every intention he had was safe and he was doing this for Ryan, not himself. There were parts of him that greedily wanted more, to steal more than just a kiss or hug here and there. There was always going to be want because that was human nature. Somewhere between human nature and rational thinking it was easy to decide what to do. He would not deny comfort. He could say no or stop at any time but Ryan was like an addiction.

Dan felt an instant high when Ryan would smile at him. There was innocence and happiness behind that smile when it was genuine. He felt proud when he was the one who made Ryan smile.

Maybe Ryland was right that he needed to be more careful to not become attached. It was a good point but it was hard to stay distant when he was needed. He was relied on for once in his life. He was the hero of this story and there was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep being the knight in shining armor.

The rain clouds had lifted and it was sunny. All the dearly depressing parts disappeared.

Ryan had drifted off after they had reached Texas.

They had talked a lot about band life. The best and worst guitars. The antics they got up to with their band mates. It was relaxing. It was common ground they both knew. Both had successful careers in music. Dan missed the days where he was always on the go. Bartending was ok but it wasn’t his first choice, he would always want to do something musical.

Dan’s heart hurt for Ryan.

It seemed everything Ryan ever did, he was let down by the people who should care the most about his success. He had a bandmate basically abandon him from the band he had created and stole his music. He lost his best friend in that band break up as well. His next band was short lived because he met Mark. It seemed everything went downhill from there. No more playing guitar or writing songs because he was better at it than his boyfriend. Ryan had explained how he left all his instruments and gear with his friend and bandmate Jon. He had basically given up music to prevent being tormented.

He had mentioned how Mark referred to him as a failed musician.

There was no way he was a failure. Hearing the songs Ryan had made up in his living room just days before was proof he wasn’t a failure. The post-its that accumulated the coffee table with different verses written on them were inspiring. Dan would find them sometimes abandoned on the table and he would read them. Ryan read a lot of classic literature which explained a lot about how he came up with ideas. He took his inspiration from books he loved.

Dan’s thoughts shifted from Ryland’s constant nagging and concerns about Ryan to his parents. He hoped his parents liked Ryan.

He wished Ryan hadn’t drifted off. He had been enjoying their talk about music.

Ryan loved talking about his bands but he knew they needed to talk about what happened the night before. He wanted to explain it all away so it no longer made him feel ashamed. He felt undesirable in Dan’s eyes because he couldn’t be like a normal person. He carried around a past full of heartache and pain. He didn’t deserve anything else. That’s what his dad always told him.

As they crossed over into Texas Ryan’s headache had grown and he pulled his glasses off to take some stress off his eyes. The world was blurry to him. It felt unfair to be twenty-seven and basically blind. He felt he should blame genes but it could have been other factors. Ryan felt his stomach clenching tight as his anxiety started to fill his head with dark thoughts.

He deserved everything that happened to him. Dan would abandon him as soon as he could. There was no point in him staying with someone like Ryan. There was no purpose to his life, if anything he should have killed himself when he had a chance. No one every stayed with him except Mark.

_“If you try to leave again I’ll kill you,” Mark sneered as he slammed his fist into Ryan’s stomach again. The sobs and pleading only added fuel to the fire. Another snap of his fist silenced the smaller man and had him go limp._

_Silence filled the room and Mark could finally cool down._

_On the floor, the rumpled body of his boyfriend lay. In a state of panic Mark dropped down to his knees to reassure himself that Ryan was indeed still breathing. The anger was boiling within him but the guilt was also forming as quickly as the bruises on Ryan’s pale skin._

_“Ryan. Hey, Ry wake up. You’re ok,” Mark said gently shaking the limp body in hopes to revive him enough to check on him._

“Ry, hey wake up,” Dan whispered as he rocked Ryan’s shoulder gently.

A groan escaped the brunette as his eye’s cracked open and were assaulted by the bright sunlight. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to regain his bearings. The world continued to be blurry till Ryan reached for his glasses in the cup holder.

“You were talking in your sleep,” Dan said softly. “Do you, ah want to talk about it?”

Dan watched as Ryan’s face turned sullen. He put his glasses on and looked over at Dan with a sad little smile on his face.

“Dan,” Ryan hesitated. His voice was velvety the way he said the name and Dan loved the way it sounded.

The hesitation made Dan feel horrible for trying to push Ryan so much to talk. Those soft brown eyes watched him and when he looked over he saw something he hadn’t expected. It wasn’t the usual caution that Ryan’s eyes projected. It wasn’t uneasiness or sadness. Ryan was looking at him with thankfulness. He looked hopeful maybe even a little confident.

“Did you have nightmares?” Ryan’s voice was small but he sat comfortably in his seat. He wasn’t guarded or cautious as he usually was.

Dan drew his eyes back to the road and thought about the question. His stint with his ex hadn’t been physically abusive. It had been more verbal and emotional abuse. Tim had been jealous about everything. Him working or touring made his boyfriend insecure. He always had to check in and reassure Tim he was ok. Dan could feel his heart beat rapidly in his chest. He hadn’t thought about Tim in a while and seeing that Ryan wanted to talk, he would do anything to delve deeper.

“No. He was the jealous type. Always wanted to check in or know where I was. Anyone who came near me got questioned. Tim didn’t have to use his fists to get back at me. His words were enough,” Dan’s happy demeanor faded a bit. “I wasn’t allowed to hang out with other guys outside of our friend circle. One time he got so mad he tore up all my drawings and trashed my studio. I don’t cry often but I was devastated over that. All my commissioned works were destroyed.”

Ryan watched Dan closely. He understood what it was like to have everything you love destroyed. He knew what it was like to be isolated. “I miss my friends,” Ryan mumbled.

Dan smiled a little at that. He hoped once they got to Archer City and settled down that Ryan would call some of his friends. In the back of his mind he was hoping a lot of things would happen but Dan shoved those thoughts down deeper. He needed to tread carefully.

“Mark always threatened to kill me. I have nightmares about him and my dad,” Ryan’s voice cracked on the last word.

By habit Dan’s hand sought out Ryan’s to provide him the security and trust they had built over their brief time together. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want too,” Dan said squeezing Ryan’s hand for reassurance.

“My dad was an alcoholic. He died when I was nineteen. He hated my career choice but most of all he hated me. He didn’t want to be a single parent. He had moments where he did a decent job teaching me things or buying me a guitar but he didn’t always show that love. It was very rare- saved for a rainy day, you know?” Ryan chewed at his bottom lip.

“When my mom left he started to drink. His health declined and I couldn’t always take care of him. He would get abusive like Mark. He’d tear our house apart over me locking my bedroom door. I loved him though when he sobered up and needed me. I guess that proves how desperate I really was for love. I would let him hurt me just like I let Mark hurt me.”

Dan wished they were somewhere they could stop so he could pull Ryan in close and hug away the hurt.

“Mark would use sex to punish me,” Ryan choked out. “He didn’t care if I wanted it or not. I stopped fighting him after a while because the more I resisted him the meaner he got. That’s what I dream about the most. It’s burned into my memory and I cannot forget.”

The radio hummed out a Led Zeppelin song and Ryan’s voice had trailed off. His free hand swiped away tears as his other hand held on for dear life. Dan’s lip quivered and his composure was lost. He felt sad and angry. If Ryan had told him this a few nights ago he would have taken care of Mark when he arrived on his doorstep. All the worse things he could think of came to mind – burying Mark alive, killing him, burning him, torturing him. The darkness within Dan started to surface. It was a bitter feeling that left a bad taste in his mouth but he knew Ryan didn’t deserve to see the brunt of his anger. He promised he would keep Ryan safe and that was what he planned to do. Armed with this information he would fight to the death to protect the little man next to him.

“You don’t have to stay near me. I know I’m disgusting,” the small voice said breaking Dan away from his menacing thoughts.

Ahead Dan saw the opening to a dirt road and he swerved the car swiftly over to the spot. The sudden movement jolted Ryan and he looked scared when the car stopped. His brown eyes were huge and full of concern. Dan put the car in park and turned in his seat to look at Ryan. His facial expression was soft and he reached out for Ryan’s other hand.

“I don’t care how this sounds, I want you. Everything about you is beautiful and your past doesn’t turn me off. I know we just met but I want you in so many ways Ryan,” Dan said softly.

Ryan’s brown eyes looked up at him over his glasses and the smile that was forming on his face through the tears was one of the most beautiful things Dan had ever seen.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Dan said squeezing his hands tightly.

Ryan leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dan’s chapped lips. He was always so gentle and sweet. His kiss didn’t linger and Dan wished he would have pulled him in for a longer kiss; Ryan had pulled away to asked Dan a question he almost missed.

“Promise?”

Dan pecked at Ryan’s lips emphasizing each of his words, “I.Promise.Ryan.Ross.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't feeling this story for the longest time since I relocated.  
> Life has again come back to relocate me and have me moving so I think it's time Ryan and Dan's adventure continues. 
> 
> Italics are going to be memories! Prepare for some memories in the next few chapters. 
> 
> I've had this half chapter started for about 8 months and couldn't figure it out. I'll be doing an edit of some of the previous chapters to clean them up and fix the tenses. For all those who stuck this out hoping to see another chapter thanks for the patience. I hate knowing this isn't finished.


	9. Chapter 9

“When’s the last time any of you talked to Ryan?” Pete mused aloud.

Everyone at the table stopped their drinking and laughing. No one answered, the silence settled amongst the friends. Familiar music thrummed in the background of Pete’s living room as a reminder they were missing a member of their circle. Eyes of all colors awkwardly looked about suspiciously and guiltily.

Brendon cleared his throat and looked over to Spencer who in turn was looking back at him with a saddened look.

Gabe and Bilvy surveyed the group. Gabe’s eyes falling on Ryland, who sat across from him.

Patrick was staring off as if wondering how they had forgotten someone as special as Ryan.

The silence continued. No one really wanted to admit they had quit trying to contact Ryan especially after three years. They knew he was hanging off the arm of Mark Ablemen, who was one of the most popular artists right now. Unanswered texts and calls were enough to make most of them quit. There was also the falling out between the bands and lack of support that pushed Ryan and even Jon further away from the group.

The anger started to bubble in Pete suddenly. The collective silence of everyone was evidence enough that they had failed Ryan.

“Am I the only one who still tries to contact him?” Pete asked bitterly.

Ryland shifted in his seat. Gabe and Bilvy’s brown eyes stared into his soul. He knew exactly where Ryan was and who he was with. Dan’s last text message had come in that evening stating they had finally arrived in Archer City safely. He knew it wasn’t his place to say anything. He didn’t know the details of what Ryan was going through with his boyfriend but he knew Dan had responded to the Purple Dot campaign. He knew it had to do with abuse.

Brendon’s brown eyes watered, “He called me one night. I didn’t pick up because I didn’t want to talk to him. I assumed it was about Nearly Witches and I didn’t want to deal with him at the moment.”

“He never tried to call me and I never tried to call him. I just abandoned him,” Spencer confessed looking down at his hands.

Bilvy’s hand tightly gripped Gabe’s. He followed Ryan’s Instagram and Twitter in hopes he’d see updates. He sent texts and tried to call quite a bit but never received any responses back. After a gig fell through Bilvy never heard from him. Gabe followed Mark and noticed the odd photo online of them.

“He doesn’t update any of his social media. The only person who does is his boyfriend and he uploads the odd picture of them together,” Bilvy said speaking for Gabe too.

Patrick combed through his contacts in search of Ryan’s name. **George Ryan Ross**. They never called him George. The split of Panic At The Disco had caused him to take sides. He chose Brendon over Ryan and that was when he became just another person. There were people who could replace him. His guilt made him hit the call button and put his phone on speaker.

The dial tone now took over the room along with the small wail of Tom Waits in the background. It rang and went to voicemail.

“Hey, you’ve reached Ryan. You know what to do *BEEP*”

Pete looked at all his friend’s briefly. Their night full of drinking and laughter was now sullen and quiet. Patrick ended the call and put his phone away. Brendon’s tears had spilled over and now painted his face. Spencer looked full of regret. Gabe and Bilvy were concerned as they always were, and Ryland was there absorbing the information.

“We should all feel ashamed,” Patrick said looking up at Pete.

They all had their excuses but they had tossed Ryan out like an old dishrag. It was easier to forget about him and pretend there was never any fall outs between their groups. Tom Waits kept singing in the background and no one said a word.

Patrick was right that everyone should feel ashamed.

**

It was late when Dan and Ryan arrived in Archer City.

The rest of their drive had been full of flirtatious conversations and singing. They sang loudly to the radio to out sing one another. The dynamic had shifted significantly after Dan declared he wanted Ryan in every way. Ryan couldn’t stop smiling the whole rest of the drive.

The lights were up when they parked in front of a white house with the blue trim. Along the walk path were pots of planted flowers. The porch wrapped around the house and looked like a welcome place to spend a hot afternoon with friends and family. Ryan could imagine Dan sitting on the porch drawing. They sat in the car for awhile. Dan’s hand twirled a piece of Ryan’s hair as he watched the brunette take in his first impression of the house. There was no rush now. Ryan took in all the details of the house before he looked over at Dan. His tired smile saying all the unspoken words about how grateful he truly was to be here and how happy he felt to be in the presence of the tall blond giant.

“Shall we?” Dan asked patiently.

Ryan laughed nervously but his smile was genuine. There was a little bit of hesitation because he would have to meet Dan’s parents but knowing he was a safe distance from Los Angeles was enough. He gave Dan a small nod and opened his car door. The night air was cool against his skin and his legs took a moment to adjust when he got out of the car. Ryan stretched and felt his back crack. Dan followed but he stood on his side of the car looking over at Ryan for a moment.

Dan watched Ryan adjust his glasses and fuss over his hair. He wasn’t worried about first impressions his parents were very pleasant. They would like Ryan.

“Don’t worry. My mom will like you,” Dan said as he walked to the trunk of the car so he could unload the suitcases.

The sound of low traffic and crickets filled the night around them. It was past ten now and Ryan was ready to go to bed. They said nothing else to one another as they gathered their belongings and walked up the stone pathway hand in hand. Standing on the wrap around porch waiting for Dan’s parents to answer the door was making Ryan nervous and he hadn’t noticed the tremble in his hand. Dan’s thumb instinctively rubbed at his shaking hand and eases the nerves.

When the door finally opened the small lady, who appeared was not what Ryan expected. Her light hair and blues eyes were welcoming. Her smile was a look Ryan wasn’t familiar with; it was a mother’s love. Beside her a dog was excitedly trying to get out the door. She joyously greeted them and was pulling Dan in for a hug. Ryan wasn’t used to family affection and before he could observe any further Dan’s mom pulled him in for a hug. He hugged back and allowed her to get a good look at him when she released him.

“You must be Ryan! Oh, honey you’re so thin,” she fretted but her blue eyes (just like Dan’s) were friendly and full of motherly concern. She pulled him back into a tight hug. Ryan hugged her back tightly- he liked her hugs.

Dan’s dad greeted them once they were in the living room. The German Shepherd known as Rolo followed and begged for Ryan’s attention. Ryan dropped down to his knees so he could pet the dog. The shaking in his hands had ceased. The whole atmosphere of the Keyes family home was welcoming and stress free. Dan’s parents were quite a bit older which made Ryan realize how young his parents had been when they had him; but he didn’t want to think of them right now. The whole house was a beautiful museum of antique furniture and family photos. Ryan looked forward to looking at all Dan’s childhood photos.

“Can we visit tomorrow?” Dan asked.

He wanted to sit up and talk with his parents but he was exhausted. He knew Ryan would be equally as tired. Today had been a progressive step in their forming relationship. He looked forward to cuddling Ryan in bed.

Dan’s parents gave their blessing and asked if they would join them for breakfast in the morning. With that Dan lead Ryan to his bedroom in the basement. He had always been fortunate to have his own dwelling where he could have band practice or paint to his hearts content. He knew Ryan would like the privacy down there. They had a bedroom, bathroom, and some free space to sit about in. He couldn’t help but notice how Ryan was looking around amazed by his surroundings. Dan toured him around the basement and Ryan went to shower.

Dan brought their suitcases down and started to sort through their clothes.

They made it.

They were finally here and they made it safely.

Ryan snuck back into the bedroom and smiled at Dan who was busily picking out sleep clothes.

“I was thinking just boxers but if you want to be modest I respect that,” Ryan teased as he leaned against the wall.

Dan whipped his head around to catch Ryan in only a towel. His sharp hips poked out and Dan gulped. Ryan’s brown eyes were full of brightness and the playful smirk on his face was enough to ruin Dan. He was beautiful even if he was covered in fading bruises and scars. Wearing only boxers in bed together would test his self control tonight.

A nervous laugh escaped Dan, “You’re such a flirt.”

“Go shower so we can go to bed,” Ryan cooed. He bit at his lip and Dan prayed when he stood up there would be no proof that he had a hard on.

**

  _Ryan held the tea towel to his nose as it profusely bled. Pain surged through the left side of his face and he knew his eye was swelling up._

_His hands were shaking as he dialed Brendon’s number._

_He was shaken by the sudden explosion from Mark and he needed to talk to someone. The dial tone hummed in Ryan’s ear and he felt his heart drop when Brendon’s message manager kicked in. He ended the call. He didn’t expect Brendon to answer but it would have given him some hope._

_This was all a mistake._

_Mark didn’t mean to get this angry. It wouldn’t happen again._

_His left eye was now fully swollen shut. His lip had stopped bleeding but his nose wouldn’t. Looking about the living room, he saw all the upturned furniture. A hole in the drywall had been the start of all this. Mark had left after their argument. It was the most ridiculous argument over Ryan being asked to sing with William Beckett. He was excited to get to perform with his friend but Mark didn’t share that excitement. There always seemed to be a problem with his friends._

_It had to be a misunderstanding._

_Ryan kept trying to justify it. It was an accident. He always tried to justify how people treated him._

_Looking down at his phone, Ryan saw a few droplets of blood on the phone screen. He wondered why he accepted this as normal._

_**_

Dan’s arm was draped over Ryan’s waist.

They had fallen into a comfortable rhythm of making out and touching each other above the waist. Ryan’s flirtatious nature was killing Dan but he liked seeing the younger man being so comfortable with him. When they had finally cooled down from their high school level feel up, Ryan lay in the dark playing with Dan’s hand till he fell asleep.

Dan pressed kisses to parts of Ryan he never thought he would get to kiss and he didn’t regret anything. The soft giggles and sounds Ryan made added to the growing list of things Dan liked about him. Today made Dan truly appreciate the progress Ryan could make – even when it wasn’t about them. He was hopeful in the morning Ryan would want to call some of his friends.

They were lulled into a dreamland. There were no nightmares only the warmth of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of plot filler and fluff! 
> 
> I apologize if this chapter is boring but it is necessary in wrapping this bad boy up!


	10. Chapter 10

_“So, are you going to sign us?” Ryan chirped beside him._

_Pete rolled over and looked at the seventeen year old in his hotel bed. His brown eyes were full of hope and his voice pleasant but his body language was rigid. Pete’s hand reached out and cupped the side of Ryan’s face. He wanted to tell the younger boy that this had not been necessary, they didn’t need to have sex to seal this deal. Pete could see all Ryan’s hopes and dreams flickering about like a small flame that could easily be snuffed out with rejection._

_He didn’t understand that this record deal was Ryan’s way out of his dad’s house. He saw the bruises and cigarette burns on Ryan’s skin but didn’t want to push him for an answer. It was easy for Pete to be propositioned by Ryan. The photos of him half naked with his sharp hip bones were tempting and Pete couldn’t help it. He never asked if Ryan had done anything sexual before and here they were. He knew he had taken Ryan’s virginity and it didn’t make him feel any better._

_Ryan’s smile faltered for just a moment as he stared back at Pete. The doubt was there but he tried to settle it._

_“You’re signed,” Pete said pressing a kiss to Ryan’s forehead._

_Pete felt Ryan relax next to him but he wasn’t aware of the internal hellfire that was burning in Ryan’s head. This was the cost of freedom, this was the start of his life._

Pete couldn’t sleep.

All he could think about was Ryan.

Sweet, innocent little Ryan who sassed him online. The teenaged spitfire who wanted his band to gain fame and would do anything to achieve that goal. Many nights Pete held Ryan as he came undone. He wrestled a razor from the younger boy’s hands and told him that he was safe. He wanted to protect Ryan from his father and the toxic life he had back in Nevada. Whenever Ryan returned to his childhood home he was miserable and when his father finally died it was over.

Pete never told Ryan he had visited his father in the hospital. As Ryan climbed a stage with his band to perform, he was in Nevada making a deal with the devil himself.

_“You need to sign these papers,” Pete said in a frustrated tone._

_Ryan’s dad stared back at him with a mocking smile. He had been on a rapid decline and Ryan was aware his dad was slowly killing himself._

_“Listen, you need to think about Ryan. If you die he is an orphan. I tried talking to his mom and she won’t help him. She signed over the legal guardian papers to me but I also need your signature. He’s almost eighteen but if you die within the next five months, they can legally take him into care. I’m asking you to do the right thing,” Pete knew he was begging but he wanted security for Ryan._

No one expected his dad to pull through but he did. He lived long enough to celebrate Ryan’s eighteenth and nineteenth birthday. But when he did pull through Ryan had to sit with him and watch him die.

All Ryan’s friends and musical family would never forget Ryan’s strength at the funeral. He looked as though he would cry but he didn’t. He returned home with Pete and Brendon to start packing up his dad’s possessions. They watched as Ryan soldiered on by packing up what items he valued and what he was getting rid of.

One box left with Ryan that night. The contents were simple. His dad’s army uniform and dog tags, a set of Russian nesting dolls, his father’s championship rings, a folded flag that belonged to his grandpa, a small photo album and a copy of Jules Verne’s From the Earth to the Moon. Various boxes went into storage while others were thrown away. The house was sold and nothing was ever said again about that house or Ryan’s loss.

Pete couldn’t get Ryan off his mind. For three years he called and texted Ryan in hopes he would get an answer. He needed closure. For ten years he needed closure when it came to Ryan Ross. He wasn’t just a boy who sassed him on the internet to get noticed, he was family and a close friend. He didn’t know where in LA Ryan resided but he knew he had sold his original house. In the back of Pete’s mind, he tried to dismiss all the possible outcomes that could be plaguing Ryan and hoped it was anger.

Groaning at his sleepless demise he decided to text Jon.

That would be a start least.

**

The sounds of chattering birds woke Ryan up.

Through the small basement window, the sun tried to flood in through the white blinds. Beside him Dan was softly snoring. Ryan rolled over onto his side and looked at Dan whose blond hair was in his eyes. He looked peaceful. His fingers pushed the long blond strands away from Dan’s eyes and he couldn’t help but feel fond of the man next to him.

“Thank you,” Ryan whispered.

His fingers traced tenderly over Dan’s cheek bone and he felt his emotions bubbling up. Thank you wasn’t enough, Dan had saved his life and he was grateful for everything. He shuffled closer to Dan and peppered kisses to Dan’s soft skin. His kisses were all the words he couldn’t find to express how he felt right now.

A low hum came from Dan and he shifted a bit in his sleep. His arm reached out for Ryan and pulled him closer. “Good morning to you too,” Dan murmured. His eyes were still closed but his smile could light up the room.

“How was your sleep?” Ryan asked.

He snuggled into Dan’s welcoming arms. He watched as Dan’s blue eyes finally opened. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

Ryan chuckled at Dan’s constant consideration. “Let me worry about you sometimes,” Ryan countered.

Dan loved Ryan’s selflessness. From the beginning Ryan had been observing all of Dan’s actions and was aware of more than Dan could give him credit for.

“Ok, ok. You win,” Dan said pecking Ryan on the lips.

He heard a few giggles escape Ryan. His hands traveled down to Ryan’s hips which instinctively rocked into his grip as the pecks turned into a hungry kiss. Dan rolled onto his back and pulled Ryan with him. Ryan’s legs instinctively found their place on either side of Dan’s hips as he straddled his waist. Last night they had ended up in a heated make out session and wrestling about the bed for dominance. Dan’s thumbs stroked at Ryan’s clothed hips as he rocked his hips against the smaller man’s bottom.

Ryan let out a small moan against Dan’s lips. He ran his tongue along Dan’s bottom lip. He could hardly think straight with Dan’s menacing movements distracting him. The blankets on the bed bunched around them and there was no hiding the tented erections that had joined the party. Dan snickered as Ryan lost all his composure and started to moan and move his hips along with Dan’s.

“Dan,” Ryan breathed out desperately. “Please.”

Dan stilled at the word.

His hands stopped Ryan’s hips from moving. His lips pecked small kisses to Ryan’s lips to break up their make out session. Above him Ryan looked down with his blown-out eyes. He was in a state of bliss and he looked completely at peace. Dan brought one of his hands back up to rub Ryan’s cheek.

“Ry, you owe me nothing. There is no rush for anything between us. Do you understand, skittle?”

Ryan let out an awkward laugh at the nickname and shook his head. He didn’t really feel he had to repay Dan this way but he was wound up and in the heat of the moment he wanted more. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath hoping to will his hard on away.

Dan sensed his discomfort and his own was setting in. “We have time to figure this all out. You’re in control when it comes to us and I don’t care if you want to stay on first base the whole time. Remember that Ryan, you’re always in control,” Dan looked firmly at Ryan and smiled softly at him.

“We’re going to have some severe cases of blue balls then,” Ryan retorted.

Laughter filled the bedroom over the comment and Ryan kissed Dan on the cheek.

**

Brunch with Dan’s parents was a refreshing experience. There was simple chatter around the dining room table about Ryan’s career and Dan’s jobs. The whole time Dan’s mom joked with Ryan about his eating habits. She was friendly and kept offering Ryan more food, which he gladly accepted.

Back when he was living with Mark, he worked with a limited budget on groceries. Mark loved having control and food was another thing he could use to control Ryan. Many nights Mark would throw the dishes about when he wasn’t pleased with Ryan’s cooking. He hated those nights, especially when he had done as he was told. It made him remember a time when his dad was having trouble with money and they could hardly make ends meet. They starved and his dad threw dishes around the kitchen in a drunken rage.

Ryan offered to do the dishes but was declined.

“You two go enjoy the beautiful weather,” Dan’s mom said as she shooed them away from her kitchen.

The garden outback was beautiful. Dan and Ryan sat at a bistro set under the shade of a big oak. They sat silently hand in hand. Dan could feel Ryan’s brown eyes stealing glances over at him and he couldn’t help but smile.

“What’s going on, skittle?” Dan teased.

Ryan shyly smiled and looked down at their joined hands, “I want to call Pete.”

Dan had expected this was coming and he really studied Ryan. He wasn’t making eye contact; his head was lowered in a submissive way. Dan shifted in his chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket with his free hand and slid it across the table to Ryan. There was no movement made by Ryan who seemed to be hesitating.

“Do you want me to give you some privacy?” Dan pressed gently.

Ryan looked up and the look on his face was full of emotion. He looked content but a little distressed. He was scared to make this phone call and he knew that opening up to Dan was one thing but Pete had known him for ten years. Clearing his throat Ryan answered Dan’s second question, “I’d rather you stay. I could use your support.”

With that Dan hummed a simple ‘of course’ and he tapped out the passcode on the iPhone. “I’m here for you, I am ok with this,” he said adding extra reassurance to the situation.

Ryan’s free hand selected Pete’s name in Dan’s contacts and he nervously picked up the phone. Putting the phone to his ear, he listened to the dial tone. He prayed Pete would pick up. He couldn’t take it if he didn’t hear the older man’s voice on the other end. The wait was agonizing and Ryan was ready to hang up when he heard a familiar voice.

“Hello?”

Ryan took a sharp breath and he felt elated but also sad, “Hey Pete.”

Dan gripped his hand and nodded his head encouraging Ryan to keep talking.

“Ryan?” Pete said surprised. “Is it really you?”

Dan could feel Ryan shaking and he felt his heart swelling in his chest as he watched tears threatening to escape his sweet boy’s eyes.

“It’s me,” Ryan choked out. “It’s good to hear your voice again.”

On the other end of the phone Pete had collapsed in his favorite armchair. He felt a world of emotions all at once. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for three years Ryro,” Pete said sadly on the other end.

Dan stayed seated next to Ryan for an hour. He provided the necessary support and comfort Ryan needed. Dan listened to Ryan tell Pete everything about Mark and what was going on. Ryan was in tears now and he looked to Dan every so often to make sure he was still with him. There was no friendly chatter or banter, it was all a serious conversation between old friends.

“I’m safe I promise. I’m with Dan Keyes in a different state,” Ryan said calmly.

In the back of Pete’s mind, he finally relaxed. During that hour, he felt nothing but sick inside. Why didn’t they go looking for Ryan and try to get answers? They could have saved him from all this pain. He planned to call Ryland after this and ask him why he didn’t say anything last night. Pete tried to collect himself and hold back his own tears. “I’m glad you’re with someone who can protect you. Listen, I’m going to make some calls. There are a few people who have been really concerned about you. Please keep me updated and I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”

With that Ryan hung up and his recently calmed down state moved back into a full-blown break down. He couldn’t stop the tears or the shaking sobs that racked his body. Dan got up and pulled Ryan into a hug. He hummed a song to calm Ryan down and rubbed circles on his back.

“I am so proud of you,” Dan said sadly. He pressed a kiss to Ryan’s forehead.

He knew what Ryan did took a lot of strength and he felt nothing but pride in seeing the littler man forge forward. He held him tightly against his chest and didn’t intend to let go till Ryan was ready. He kept whispering little encouragements till Ryan’s breathing evened out. At one point Dan’s mom had come out into the yard but she took the hint Dan gave her to not get involved.

Dan peppered kisses to Ryan’s wet cheeks, “What you did showed immense strength to let another person in after what you went through. It’s all uphill from here Ryan, I promise.”

**

The hot LA sun beat down on Brendon as he enjoyed an afternoon out by his pool. He was sprawled out in a pool chair trying to get a tan. All the while having a small internal battle which had caused him to lose sleep and his appetite today.

His mind was still clouded with thoughts of Ryan.

Last night at Pete’s he had realized just how horrible he had been to Ryan during the break up of the band. He was starting to feel the guilt bubbling within him because he had broken Ryan’s heart and then took way the band Ryan loved so much. He once thought Ryan would be his forever but then he met a girl who changed his world. He hated that he dismissed his best friend and lover. Last night was a reminder that he had made Ryan feel like everything was his fault. It had seemed so easy to forget Ryan and try not to make amends. Sadly, Brendon couldn’t stop the weight of emotions he felt for his old friend.

“Brendon?” a female voice called from the sliding glass door dragging him from his thoughts.

He looked over to see his girlfriend standing at the door with a look on her face he had never seen before. She looked back over her shoulder and then back at him.

“There is someone here to see you, Bee,” Sarah said nervously. She moved away from the door and a man walked past her.

Brendon didn’t recognize him right away but he watched the muscular man closely as he took a seat in a free chair. There was something unsettling about his blue eyes and Brendon couldn’t put his finger on what exactly it was. Looking back at the door he saw that Sarah had retreated into their house and had left them alone. Before Brendon could start questioning the stranger he spoke.

“My name is Mark Ablemen. I’m here about Ryan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we move forward. 
> 
> I went through my old notes on this story and decided to keep forging on I'm thinking three to four more chapters so I can finally put this story to rest. 
> 
> I never wanted this story to end up like another one I wrote which was so full of dread and sickness from being in a fandom that had so many negative people. I know the quality is medium here but I just need to finish this for my own sake. I want to keep writing in this fandom but also the others I have been very involved with. The last thing I wanted to do was resort to abandoning this or just posting my story plans and calling it a quit.


	11. Chapter 11

_“Whose Sarah and why does your destiny lie with her?” Ryan asked looking up from his guitar._

_His tone was curious and genuine but Brendon heard it more as an accusation. It was a simple question about song lyrics. They were sat in their shared living room after a long day working on their newest album. Between writing and recording demo tracks, Ryan had taken notice to this song. He was the primary lyricist of the band but he really liked the two songs Brendon had brought into the studio today._

_His brown eyes were void of malice as he awaited an answer._

_Brendon didn’t want to talk about the song or the meaning behind it. He glared at Ryan hoping that he would read the unspoken warning and leave it alone. He felt bitter sitting in the room with Ryan, who sat cross legged on the Persian rug. His brown hair was a tousled mess from their previous engagements when they got home. Brendon watched him play guitar, blissfully unaware that his world was going to come crashing down and all his happiness would be taken away._

_Ryan looked back down at his guitar and started to play a familiar melody. One that would always hold a special place in Brendon’s heart. The strumming pattern managed to warm up his boyfriend’s heart a little. The atmosphere turned pleasant from fond memories. Memories of Ryan writing this song and singing it for him made him smile._

_Brendon couldn’t help but hum along. This song meant the world to Ryan and he was so proud to share it. He heard Ryan sing the line that meant the most to him and he looked up at Brendon as if to direct the words right to him._

_“I know the world’s a broken bone, but melt your headaches call it home,” Ryan sang and abruptly stopped playing._

_His eyes were still void of malice and he looked at Brendon with all the love in his heart and it hurt. It hurt for so many reasons. All of which were Brendon’s fault, he couldn’t bring himself to say everything and that was eating him up inside._

_“I really like the guitar part for Sarah Smiles,” Ryan started. His long fingers danced across the frets as he played the passages he liked best. He didn’t look up. He mumbled his next sentence out as he kept playing. “There was a line in The Calendar, the line about being a cannibal I really liked. The songs are great Beebo.”_

_He didn’t deserve praise. They were songs about someone else. One was about his infidelity and the other was his internal battle of who he loved more. It didn’t matter that they were good songs. Ryan must suspect something was up with them._

_Brendon cleared his throat, “You don’t think they're a little, you know out there?”_

_Ryan’s body language was hard to read. He stopped playing his guitar again and this time made the effort to set it next to him. His hands dropped into his lap as he took a few breaths. Brendon didn’t know what was racing through his boyfriend’s mind but he was fearful. They didn’t fight, their version of fighting was saying a few choice words to push each other's buttons to get a reaction. Ryan was a crier not a fighter. He’d push a person away because he didn’t want to be touched but he wasn’t aggressive._

_“If we are still going with Vices and Virtues as an album name, it’s fitting,” Ryan said cheerfully._

_His lithe body crawled across the small distance separating him and Brendon so he could rest his head on his boyfriend’s knee. He chattered away happily about the music on this album and what look they should go for since their albums all had a theme. Brendon sat there and listened; all the while he felt his heartbreaking. Ryan didn’t know anything was wrong and he continued to be blissfully unaware of everything._

_Later that night, Ryan’s cheerfulness was gone._

_“You can’t kick me out! I own half this house,” Brendon screamed._

_He stomped about the house in a fit of rage. He shoved his clothes into the few available suitcases in their bedroom. It would be an understatement to say he felt like tossing all the pictures off the wall. If anything, breaking Ryan’s guitar would make this whole fight worth it. Ripping up Ryan’s clothes or trashing his book collection would make him feel better. He slammed all the doors and drawers to be extra dramatic. In the hall, he saw Ryan standing there with a look of horror on his face._

_It had never occurred to Brendon that his actions were scaring Ryan. His brown eyes were huge and full of fear. His stance was guarded but ready to run if he had too. His arms were crossed over his chest and from the way his shoulders moved, he was still trying to come down from the anxiety attack he had earlier. Brendon wanted to hold him and tell him he would fix this, but he knew he couldn’t. Ryan’s eyes were bloodshot from crying and the whole time all he asked was ‘why?’._

_Ryan could hardly breath as he asked Brendon to explain why he would cheat. He kept demanding answers, the whole time his voice wasn’t raised more than a little bit above his normal speaking voice. Brendon wanted him to scream and throw things. He wanted them to scream in each other’s face and have a real fight. Anything would have been better than Ryan calmly accepting he wasn’t good enough for Brendon’s love._

_“Please stop slamming the doors,” Ryan said softly. He shifted his weight so he could lean against the wall._

_Brendon finished folding up one of his sweaters and placed it in his suitcase before he chanced another look at Ryan. He knew it was fair when Ryan said he needed to leave but he felt instantly worried when he saw how pale his now ex-boyfriend was. He knew he had to leave but he really didn’t want too. Ryan was upset from all this and leaving him alone in their home seemed like a bad idea._

_He knew this was the calm before the storm and all he could do was wait. He kept packing till he heard Ryan sobbing uncontrollably in the hallway. It took all of Brendon’s strength to keep packing and let reality hit Ryan full force that their relationship was truly over. Once all the packing was done in the bedroom, Brendon went out into the hall. Ryan was seated against the wall with his knees hugged tight to his chest. He was sobbing uncontrollably._

_“Why did you stop loving me?” Ryan choked out between sobs and hiccups._

_It made Brendon feel worse. Crouching down beside Ryan, he tried to put his arm around him but he jerked away from the touch. There was no comforting him, the damage was done. “I will always love you and I’ll always be your friend,” Brendon said trying to soften the blow._

_“GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!!” Ryan screamed at him. His bloodshot eyes were the last thing Brendon saw before he fled the house._

**

Brendon felt his heart drop.

His hand came up to shakily remove his sunglasses.

In front of him was Mark Ablemen himself. Ryan’s boyfriend of the last three years. His blue eyes stared holes through Brendon making him feel nervous in his own home.

“What do you mean you're here about Ryan?” Brendon asked cautiously.

His mind raced a mile a minute. Was Ryan ok? Did something happen? What if he tried to take his life?

The bigger man smiled as if he could read all of Brendon’s thoughts and it made a chill go down the smaller man’s spine.

“About a week ago my boyfriend Ryan went missing from the bar we were at. I think he left with someone. Now I’m going to ask nicely, did he contact you?” Mark’s voice was soft but his eyes were fierce.

Brendon tried to hold eye contact. He tried to appear bigger than he was sitting in his pool chair in his leopard speedo but he knew it wasn’t working. That bone chilling smile returned and Brendon understood why Ryan would have ran away from this man. “We haven’t talked in three years and I’m probably the last person he would contact,” Brendon said cheekily.

“Ryan isn’t well and that is why I am worried about him. He’s been withdrawn and relapsed with self harm,” Mark looked directly at Brendon.

That comment made Brendon narrow his eyes. He wanted to call Mark’s bluff. He knew Ryan wouldn’t start cutting himself again. They’d come a long way and after seven years of faded scars, he knew Ryan wouldn’t do that again. “Where did he start cutting?” Brendon questioned.

Brendon watched Mark’s smile falter as he too started to narrow his eyes back at Brendon.

“He’s been cutting his wrists and forearms,” Mark answered back.

He had him. He caught this man in a lie. Brendon knew that wasn’t Ryan’s choice spot to cut. After Ryan’s dad died, he took up a habit of cutting his inner thighs. The whole reason to get tattoos on his arms were to stave off the temptation to cut his arms. If Ryan ever cut his wrists open it would be to end his life, not for comfort. For years Brendon had rubbed Vitamin E oil on Ryan’s scars so they would fade and could be forgotten visually. They had worked together to get Ryan through that roadblock and being able to quit was something Ryan took pride in.

“He hasn’t tried to contact me so I can’t help you,” Brendon said smugly. “How about you leave me your number and I’ll call you if I hear anything. I don’t want anything bad to happen to Ryan.”

Mark’s demeanor had gone from pleasant to irritated. His smile was now a frown and he eyes were glaring daggers at the smaller man in front of him. Brendon sensed he had won this battle, he had caught this guy in a lie. He watched Mark closely as he shifted in the chair.

“This isn’t a joke you little prick. If you know something about Ryan’s whereabouts I want to know,” Mark snapped venomously at Brendon.

Brendon sat up in his chair and all he could see was red, “I don’t know where Ryan is and if I did I wouldn’t tell you. I don’t know you but if Ryan ran away you clearly did something to hurt him.”

The wind was almost knocked out of Brendon as he was slammed hard against the chair. The hand threatened to tighten around his neck but Brendon didn’t panic. He looked up at Mark who was glaring angrily down at him. He raised his fist with all the intentions to hit the smaller man but his game was to scare him into cooperating.

“Go ahead,” Brendon huffed out. “Hit me!”

Brendon held the eye contact and glared back. He wouldn’t back down from this staring contest even if he ended up getting his ass kicked. This was what Ryan was running from. Another abusive prick who took pleasure in hurting him.

“You don’t scare me. Now get the fuck off my property,” Brendon spat viciously at the bigger man.

Mark flinched. He backed away and didn’t say anything else. He made haste to leave the property and Sarah was out in the backyard instantly.

“What was that about? Who was he? Did he hurt you?” she questioned.

Brendon could see she was a little shaken. He took a moment to collect himself. His hands racked through his hair and he willed the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes to stay put. Ryan was in trouble and wherever he was, he prayed he was safe and Mark didn’t find him.

He looked to Sarah for comfort. He couldn’t hold it together as much as he thought. He was scared for Ryan. “He’s trying to track Ryan down,” he cried.

Sarah’s arms found their way around him as she pulled him into a loving embrace. She listened to all Brendon’s worries and fears. She wiped away the tears and told him they should be there for Ryan if he needed them. All the while, her sweet nature was a reminder of how lucky he truly was. He loved her like no other but it was always Ryan that he was in love with. She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek as if knowing exactly where his mind was dwelling.

“I think you should call Pete, Bee,” Sarah whispered as she pushed Brendon’s phone into his shaking hands and pressed one last kiss to his cheek.

Brendon watched Sarah give him a reassuring smile before going back into the house. He loved her for all her infinite wisdom and patience. She accepted him as he was and could give him the children he desired. But he also loved that she wanted to be there for Ryan if he needed their help. Her saintliness made him hopeful as he called Pete.

The phone rang three times before it clicked and Pete answered. His voice sounded muffled and hoarse as he asked what was going on.

“Ryan’s boyfriend Mark was just here,” Brendon said.

Silence drifted between them before Pete started to speak, “I know where Ryan is.”

**

_Angry blue eyes stared back at him._

_He couldn’t move. The knife was lodged to far into his stomach and the world was blurring on the edges. In the background, he could hear the screams and pleas of his boyfriend._

_“You killed him, it’s your fault,” the blue-eyed monster spat. His mouth was turned up into a sickening smile._

_The crying got louder and he tried to move towards the desperate sound but he couldn’t._

_To the side of him he could see soft brown eyes full of tears as the knife was slowly dragged across his pale skin. Screams of agony filled the room again._

_“KILL ME! Please just kill me,” the voice begged._

“Dan. Hm, Dan wake up,” Ryan whispered groggily. His long fingers gripped Dan’s shoulder and he gently shook him.

The blonde giant next to him didn’t stir and kept twitching in his sleep.

Ryan reached out for the bedside lamp and flipped it on. The warm glow of the lamp flooded the room and illuminated off some of Dan’s art on the walls. Ryan reached out again to grip Dan’s shoulder. He had woken up with a start when Dan smacked against him in bed. It had jolted Ryan out of his deep sleep and made him aware that Dan was dreaming.

“Danny,” Ryan said sternly as he pinched Dan’s shoulder.

A yelp sounded and Dan’s eyes shot open. He saw the look on Ryan’s face which was full of concern. “What’s going on? Did you have a bad dream baby?” Dan fussed as he tried to sit up.

Ryan’s hand came out to push him gently back down into the comfort of their bed. He snuggled up close and pressed his forehead to Dan’s.

“What were you dreaming about Dan?” his small voice said.

Dan felt his breathing hitch. He didn’t want to talk about the dream he was having. It was disturbing and could potentially upset Ryan. He felt Ryan’s nose nuzzle his and a hand coming up to cup his cheek. Dan accepted the comfort he was being given. His heart continued to thump heavily in his chest but he was starting to calm down a bit.

Ryan pecked a soft kiss to his lips. “Don’t shut me out. Talk to me,” Ryan whispered as he pressed another kiss to Dan’s chapped lips.

A nervous laugh left Dan as he returned the kiss. He was a little shocked that it was Ryan asking him not to shut him out but he appreciated it.

“It was about Mark. He found us and can I please not go into details,” Dan whimpered. He wanted to spare Ryan from those details. He wanted to forget what had happened but going back to sleep didn’t feel like an option.

Ryan could feel how tense Dan was beside him and he hated hearing his protector’s voice sound so scared. He snuggled up as close as humanly possible. Ryan started to hum a song and he felt Dan relax a bit. “Go to back to sleep Danny,” Ryan hummed.

Dan knew the song all to well, it was a the one he had sung for Ryan when he was upset.

“Can you sing it for me, skittle?” Dan begged as he closed his eyes. He listened closely as he sang for him. He had such a beautiful voice and Dan felt his discomfort melt away.

**

Morning was a hectic time in Gabe and Will’s house.

The sun was shining and both the children were wide awake. Will was cleaning up the breakfast table as his daughter Gen talked a mile a minute about wanting to play chess. In the background of their bustling house Gabe was on the phone with Ryland. Propped on his hip was Will and Gabe’s adopted pride and joy Violet.

“I’m just saying if you knew Ryan was with Dan this whole time why didn’t you say something?” Gabe grumbled as he walked around the kitchen.

Will half listened to the noise around him as he washed the remaining dishes. He took a moment to look out the window into his backyard. He wished things had never gotten to this point. The fear and dread he felt for Ryan was hindering him. As a parent, he naturally wanted to protect his girls and he felt a similar duty to Ryan. He felt bad knowing he was living a dream life with his husband and two children and all the while Ryan was being abused.

A sharp cry jerked Will back into reality as he looked over to Gabe and Violet. The baby screeched and reached out for her other father. Gabe bopped her on his hip to sooth her but she screamed more.

“Bilvy, can you take Violet please?” Gabe said walking towards the sink.

Will dried his hands and took the screaming baby from his husband. He looked around the kitchen to see Gen had gone off to the living room to probably set up the chess board. Violet screamed at him and he couldn’t help but smile at the distressed infant.

“What’s going on baby girl?” he cooed. He pressed a kiss to her small nose and got to work on making a bottle.

Gabe kept pacing around the kitchen and every so often popped his head into the living room to check on Gen. Will loved the consideration Gabe gave to his daughter. He couldn’t express how much he appreciated the acceptance his ex had about Gen having a step father. Their best interest was her well being and they had all become a close family. Will shook the bottle and offered it over to the hungry infant who finally seemed content snuggled up in Will’s arms.

“I know, Pete told me all the details. Yah, I heard he showed up at Brendon’s house. Jon said Mark turned up at his place too. My guess is Pete’s next,” Gabe chattered on.

Gen bopped back into the room and looked around the kitchen. She wasn’t used to Saturday’s being spent like this. All she understood was something happened to Uncle Ryan. She spotted her baby sister in her daddy’s arms and knew he wouldn’t be ready to play chess yet. In her considerate seven-year-old nature she danced her way back out of the kitchen and decided to find something else to occupy her time. On the back of the couch she saw the family cat lounging in the sun. She crawled up onto the couch and started to pet the tabby cat. Gen took a quick peek out the window to see if one of the neighbor kids was out riding their bike but she saw someone unfamiliar. He was a huge man and he was standing on the walk way staring at their house.

Gabe made a swift turn so he could walk over towards Will and Violet. His pressed a quick kiss to Will’s lips as he listened to Ryland’s updates. Gabe leaned against his husband and gave him a playful look. Lost in their moment they hadn’t noticed Gen sneak back into the kitchen but her little hand pulled at Gabe’s hand.

“Papi, there is a strange man in our yard,” she said.

Gabe looked down at his step daughter and back up at Will.

Clearing his throat, he cut Ryland off mid sentence, “I’ll call you back. There's somebody outside of our house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was time for Brendon to think about Ryan.  
> Also Gabe and Will's (Bilvy) involvement. Gen is said as Jen (my friend was confused )
> 
> So its going to be like fourteen to fifteen chapters and then I promise to stop and call this bad boy done! and then I'll do the big major clean up - which I always do once a work is complete done and sat for a while!


	12. Chapter 12

_Laughter filled the room as Ryan leaned back against the couch arm._

_His legs were across Will’s lap as they listened to the demo tapes. A bubbly feeling buzzed between the boys as they listened to the song they had recorded earlier. It had been Will’s constant begging that made Ryan finally budge and provide the back vocals for this unnamed song._

_“Are all your songs a testament of love for Gabe?” Ryan teased. He lightly nudged Will with his foot and let out a small laugh._

_Will chuckled and looked over at Ryan. A lot had changed in a year. He seemed more chipper and content with his life. Will hated to say it but Ryan was better off without Brendon always hogging the limelight and taking credit for all the work Ryan had done for the band. He moved on and started a new band with Jon, which had gained some attention. His hair was grown out and he embraced wearing his glasses a lot more. He’d gained some weight but not in a bad way. The fact that he was smiling and laughing made it easier for Will to stop worrying so much._

_In a form of cruelty, Will grabbed hold of Ryan’s legs and tickled him behind the knees. A squeal erupted from Ryan as he tried to get away. His hyperventilating laughter only made Will keep torturing him. In his last-ditch efforts, he went for Ryan’s side which only made him flail more. “I’m in love, I’ll have you know,” Will retorted._

_“I noticed. All your songs are about tortured love and finding yourself,” Ryan giggled as he tried to sound as dramatic as possible._

_Will stopped tickling Ryan and tried to fake hurt. His hands came up to hold theatrically at his heart. “Not all of us can go figure it out in Cape Town!” Will snipped back playfully._

_“Leave Cape Town out of this Bilvy,” the laughter again filled the room as Ryan tried to make a comeback._

_Their joyous moment was disturbed by the shrill sound of Ryan’s phone vibrating against the glass coffee table. They stopped mocking one another and looked at the offensive item on the table. The screen was lit up with a name only familiar to one of them. Ryan didn’t try to reach for the phone. The happy look on his face was replaced with a look Will knew well. Ryan worried his bottom lip and visually looked down at his lap. His fingers fidgeted with the hem of his shirt._

_Another text reverberated off the glass table, within another minute the screen was full of texts. The phone kept buzzing with messages and Will wondered what was up. There was no effort on Ryan’s part to pick up his phone. Instead he hesitated for a moment before grabbing the phone and putting it in his pocket._

_“Ry-”_

_“Let’s listen to that demo again,” Ryan cut Will off before he had a chance to ask any questions._

_**_

_“What do you mean Ryan backed out of the gig?” Gabe asked._

_He stopped folding laundry and looked over at his distraught boyfriend who was leaning against the door frame blubbering a mile a minute about the world ending. Gabe breathed in and tried to patiently handle the crying fit his boyfriend was having. Between sobs and slurred words, he could only get half the story._

_“H-he can-can’t come! What a-am I going to do!” Bilvy sobbed loudly._

_Gabe looked sympathetically at his Bilvy. He was aware of how important this gig had been but there had to be a reasonable explanation. Ryan wasn’t the type to abandon gigs, he loved to perform. “What did he say exactly?” Gabe prodded._

_“He said he wasn’t allowed. He’s busy or something. I hate him! He knew how important this was to me!”_

_Bilvy’s sudden anger alarmed Gabe. He wasn’t used to this kind of attitude and he wished he could help. He opened his arms and offered Bilvy the hug he so desperately needed. “Don’t say that. I know Ryan might have let you down but you don’t hate him. There has to be more to the story,” Gabe lightly chided._

_“What am I going to do? I need someone to sing back vocals,” Bilvy whimpered. His pouting was working in his favor._

_Gabe groaned at the whininess of his boyfriend and kissed his forehead. The world wasn’t ending. This was only a minor hiccup and maybe he could fix it. “What if I sing back vocals?” he offered._

_Bilvy’s excited squeal was enough to cool the situation down for a little bit. In the meantime, Gabe hoped he could get a hold of Ryan._

**

Gabe looked to Will for guidance but he didn’t know exactly what to do in this situation. Gen and Will were looking to him for the answer. His husbandly and fatherly duties were to them which meant he needed to take care of this.

“Go upstairs,” Gabe instructed.

He gave Will a little push to encourage him to get moving. “Lock the door and call either Pete or Ryland, ok?”

Gen didn’t understand but she watched her daddy put aside the baby bottle. She’d never seen her parents look so upset but she cooperated when her daddy reached for her hand and started to drag her upstairs. Will didn’t say anything but he made haste to get up the stairs. He was thankful that Gen wasn’t asking questions. He didn’t know how he was going to explain this to her.

Gabe watched as his small family scrambled up the stair and he waited till he heard the door slam. Taking a deep breath, he straightened up as tall as he could and walked toward the front door. He wasn’t going to allow this man to upset his girls. He wasn’t going to allow him to lay a hand on Will or intimidate him like he tried to with Brendon and Jon. Gabe stood at the door and looked through the side glass window. In the front yard stood exactly who he expected.

He didn’t know where all the anger came from but he threw the front door open and stormed into the yard. Gabe wasn’t sure if it was the fact that Mark was just standing there smiling at him or that he was threatening everyone Ryan knew. It was all a game. His goal was to intimidate and Gabe wasn’t playing him games.

“You best turn around,” Gabe spat aggressively as he stopped at the bottom of his front steps. He didn’t want to start a fist fight with the big man a few feet in front of him but he would if it had too. His whole focus was to protect his family and keep Ryan safe.

The blue-eyed man stared back at him and inched forward a bit. “How about we talk? I have some questions for you and your husband,” Mark grinned.

“Leave,” Gabe growled.

Gabe didn’t like the man inching closer towards him but he clenched his fists at his side and readied himself. He kept glaring back at Mark challenging him to initiate this fight. Taking one step forward Gabe made his own threatening stance. Gabe’s sudden movement made Mark stop.

Will gripped the phone tightly in his hand as he peered out the window. He was grateful that Gen was seated on the bed minding her sister. Ryland stayed on the line as he drove towards their house. Will watched as Gabe walked towards the man standing on the walk way. A shiver ran down his spine as he watched his husband shove the bigger man. Tears start to well in Will’s eyes from the fear he felt.

“Daddy, are you ok?” Gen asked from her spot on the bed.

He didn’t want her to see her parents upset and he didn’t know how he was going to explain this to her. He ignored her question and kept watching Gabe. His husband shoved Mark one more time and Will's breath hitched.

Gabe was yelling and the big man backed off.

Ryland kept asking for a status report but Will was engulfed in the scene in his front yard.

Mark turned around and left.

**

Ryan was restless.

He’d been wide awake since 7:30 am. He’d peered at the bedside clock then at Dan’s phone. It was too early in LA to text any of his friends or call Pete. He didn’t want to wake Dan up either so he quietly got up and grabbed some clothes. After a quick shower, Ryan started to comb through Dan’s bookshelf in the small living room area of the basement.

He grabbed the copy of Crime and Punishment and headed upstairs to get some breakfast.

It was another beautiful sunny day and he wanted to enjoy it with Dan.  He was greeted by the sight of Dan’s parents sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. Dan’s dad was reading the paper as his mom sipped at her coffee. Ryan tried to quietly make his way past the kitchen but he had been spotted.

“Good morning Ryan,” Dan’s mom called from her spot at the table.

Ryan stopped in his tracks and turned back to the kitchen. Dan’s mom looked at him with a smile and hinted for him to take a seat. He felt obligated so he took a seat that the table and rested the book on the placemat.

“Coffee darling?” Dan’s mom offered.

He accepted and joined the family in their morning tradition. Before breakfast Dan’s parents would read the paper. Ryan cracked open the copy of Crime and Punishment and started to nurse his coffee. The silence was comfortable and Ryan loved it. He immersed himself into the silence and didn’t notice that the room around him had changed. Dan’s dad had ventured outside to work on his car and Dan’s mom was now starting to cut apples to make pies. Downstairs Dan was still in a deep sleep. The hours ticked by and Ryan wasn’t aware it was almost eleven.

“So, Ryan. Dan seems very taken with you,” Dan’s mom casually chattered.

The comment caused Ryan to blush and he heard her chuckle fill the room. He dog-eared the page he was reading and gave her his full attention. Her warm smile was something he could get used too.

Ryan ran his hand through his hair before answering, “I’m quite taken with him too.”

“Come cut the apples for me,” Dan’s mom said.

She pushed over another bowl of apples and a knife. Ryan got up and joined her at the kitchen island. She was busily rolling out dough for the pie tins. He set to work peeling and coring the apples. She had six pie tins across the counter top and Ryan was curious why she was making so many. He didn’t want to ask to many questions and did as he was told. They worked quietly as Dan’s mom asked him the odd question about his childhood and his music career.

She didn’t pry. The questions were the typical mom questions. Last night Dan had stayed up to talk to his parents. Ryan had gone to bed around ten. He had sent out a few texts to Pete before he drifted off. Dan eventually joined him in bed around midnight.

“What are all the pies for, if you don’t mind me asking?” Ryan finally asked.

Dan’s mom smiled up at him. Ryan’s politeness was something she adored and made her hope Dan would keep this one around. “We are making pies for the seniors at the care home down the road,” she responded.

“That’s very kind,” Ryan reflected. This woman was a saint in his eyes. All the Keyes’ seemed to be saintly.

His family wasn’t like that. They were so broken up and dysfunctional they couldn’t do anything for others. He could hardly remember his mother. He knew she had blonde hair and brown eyes but he couldn’t recall her exact features. He looked like his dad but had his mom’s thin figure. He didn’t have any photos of her. When she packed up and left, his father had burned all her pictures. Ryan was three when she left. She came back a few times when he was four but only to fight with his dad for money. His memories of her were vague. She never came back after that and the rest was history.

_“Jesus Christ! R! Write a bloody R!”_

_Ryan’s lip quivered. His little hand clenched the purple crayon tightly. He didn’t want to sit at the kitchen table with his dad whose breath reeked of alcohol and whose patience was thin._

_He tried his best but his R turned out looking like a deflated P. Tears started to well in his big  brown eyes. All he wanted to do was make his daddy happy. He wanted his mommy but she had been gone for a long time. She missed his birthday and Christmas._

_“I’m sorry,” the four-year-old sobbed._

_Ryan looked up at his dad and his angry face softened. “No bud, I’m sorry. Look, this is how you make an R,” he said quieter._

_Ryan watched his dad pick up a red crayon and draw out a P. He waited and encouraged Ryan to copy._

_“R is just a P with a, well with a leg,” his dad offered as an explanation. “Now do you remember how to make a Y?”_

_Ryan nodded his head and proudly placed a Y next to the wobbly R. “Next is A daddy!”_

_George felt his heart swell in his chest. Even in his drunken state Ryan loved him. All the little boy wanted to do was make him happy and be loved. He offered Ryan a smile and watched as the little human added an N to his name. It was a messy attempt at his name with purple crayon but later George rescued the paper off the kitchen table. He wanted to remember that accomplishment so he folded it up and tucked it away in his favorite book._

“Hey, you,” a familiar voice sang.

Ryan snapped out of his thoughts and he couldn’t stop the smile that sprung up on his face. He turned around and looked at the tall blonde. Beautiful blue eyes looked back at him and he felt butterflies in his stomach. “Hey,” Ryan beamed.

Dan’s mom cleared her throat to remind them she was there. “Why don’t you guys go explore the town?” she suggested.

Before Ryan could protest leaving the pies, Dan outstretched his hand. It drew Ryan in like a moth to a flame and he couldn’t stop the blush on his face. Their fingers linked together felt like they were always meant to fit together. Ryan stood up on his tip toes and pecked a quick kiss to Dan’s cheek. The feeling between them was the same but different. Ryan couldn’t pin point it but he knew Dan was looking at him differently but he liked it.

The copy of Crime and Punishment sat abandoned on the table. Ryan followed Dan through the house and out into Archer City. The sun beat down on him and the fresh air filled his lungs. Freedom felt amazing.

**

Mark paced around the house.

He was starting to feel defeated. He’d tried to call Ryan’s phone again but kept getting the same answer.

“Hey, you’ve reached Ryan. You know what to do *BEEP*” and “This voicemail box is full”

His anger was simmering over.

He had tried to track Ryan’s phone but it was off and all he had was a general area he might have been. All his leads were drying up and Ryan’s friends didn’t seem to fear him. All they did was challenge him.

Looking around the house he felt irritated. Burying his face in his hands he took a deep breath. He needed a new plan. Pete would put up a major fight, he had been trying for three years to get in contact with Ryan. The list of people Ryan would run to was getting shorter. He knew word was getting out that he was in search of his boyfriend and if he knew Ryan, he would have told someone what had happened.

“Fuck!” Mark groaned.

The realization had just hit him. If Ryan told someone about the abuse, his career would be over. He’d be the next Chris Brown. His musical career would go up in smoke. All because of that stupid little shit. Ryan made it easy to be mad. If only he did as he was told things would be different. All this abuse would have been preventable. The rules were simple and Ryan seemed to always test them. His meek existence pissed Mark off. Even if the younger man was beautiful, his pathetic, meek existence made him want to hit Ryan.

Looking over at the table he saw the mail piling up with Ryan’s name on the envelopes. This place was becoming a mess because he wasn’t there to clean up. Typical Ryan, always ruining everything. He grabbed at the stack of envelopes and thumbed through them. Bills and bank statements.

All fucking bills and bank statements!

Bank statements? Three bank statements?

Mark studied the three envelopes with Bank of America printed in the top left corner. He couldn’t recall giving Ryan access to his bank card this month and he didn’t have the access code to the safe in the bedroom. He teared open the envelopes and pulled out the statements. Mark felt his eyes pop when he looked at the first paper.

The first paper was a bank statement showing a major withdrawal and the bank account balance of zero.

The second paper was not a bank statement but a letter of confirmation that the credit card in George Ryan Ross III’s name was cancelled and payed off.  

The third paper was a letter was confirmation that his accounts were closed.

Mark saw red. His throat started to constrict and his nostrils flared.

He stormed through the house and into their bedroom. Throwing the bedding back, reaching under the edge of his bed, and punching in the access code the safe popped open. Digging around he couldn’t find Ryan’s bank card or passport.

“YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!”


	13. Chapter 13

_Ryan checked the clock frantically before dropping back down to the floor on Mark’s side of the bed._

_He had an hour before Mark would get home from the studio which was just enough time to try the list of codes he had prepared that morning. The small safe was nestled under his boyfriend’s side of the bed and easily hidden by the black bed skirt. His body protested in agony as he lay on his stomach but he had to do this. There was no other way for him to obtain his bank card or passport if he didn’t try. His bruised ribs and sore body were a reminder of what would keep happening if he didn’t get what was rightfully his._

_He’d read about the Purple Dot Campaign on the internet earlier that week when he was researching restraining orders. He was cautious when he used his phone or laptop. An hour before Mark was due home, he would clear all the history from his devices. He couldn’t risk getting caught. Everything set Mark off and with how the abuse had escalated over the past year, Ryan was sure it would end in permanent damage or death._

_The list was short. He had ten combinations to try and he was confident in his selections. Mark never gave him credit that he was smarter than he looked. He wasn’t just a pretty face. He had excelled in school and he knew Mark would pick something easy to remember. His boyfriend wasn’t good with numbers or remembering his own lyrics._

_Ryan took a deep breath and punched the first code into the keypad. To his disappointment he realized Mark’s birth year wasn’t the winner. Moving down the list, Ryan kept punching in combinations of their birthdays and important years. Each time the small screen would display four X’s tauntingly. Ryan began to feel discouraged, he needed to figure this out. Punching in the last number on his list he cringed when he was rejected for the tenth time. Sitting up, Ryan felt tears itching at the corners of his eyes. Looking around their bedroom he saw the framed copies of his first two Panic at the Disco CDs. They’d been a birthday present to celebrate his accomplishments as a musician. Each CD had its own little golden plaque with the year they were released._

_For three years they hung there as a constant reminder of what he once had but he never had the heart to tell Mark that he didn’t want them in their bedroom anymore. The gift had been thoughtful at the time. They had always stayed hung up on Ryan’s side of the bed and he would stare at them on sleepless nights or when he didn’t want to look at the ceiling during sex. He had stared at them a lot in three years. Where he sat on the floor a thought ran through his head._

_It couldn’t be that easy, could it?_

_Has the answer always been right in front of him?_

_Ryan lay back down and tapped out 2-0-0-5._

_The safe rejected him again._

_Taking a steady breath, he punched in 2-0-0-8._

_The safe lock popped and Ryan had never been so thankful to hear that sound._

**

The next four days were peaceful.

Ryan spent his days exploring Archer City with Dan and his evenings talking to his friends. Brendon had chirped his ear off for four hours but he had missed his friend’s voice. Will and Gabe kept saying they wanted to come down and see him. Pete was always asking if anything was needed. Patrick called to remind him that he was always there if Ryan needed to talk to someone – a nicety that had always been extended to the Panic boys. The only person Ryan hadn’t heard from was Spencer. Dan suggested calling him but it had been three years. Spencer was equally as stubborn as Ryan.

The freedom to move around the small town was inspiring. The lack of fear made Ryan feel elated. With Dan’s hand clasp around his, he knew he was safe. The warmth and happiness that radiated through Ryan’s body was one he hadn’t felt in a long time. Every kiss, touch, and smile was another reason he wanted to stay beside Dan.

As they explored, Dan became playful. Little teasing gestures like covering Ryan’s eyes and asking him to guess who or nudging him gently when he wasn’t paying attention. Ryan couldn’t help but play back. whenever Dan wanted to kiss him he would avoid the blonde’s lips and kiss him elsewhere. All the little gestures started to add up during the day and in the privacy of their bedroom everything intensified into heated passion. They wrestled one another through their make out sessions. They groped at each other’s bodies but respected the boundaries of their boxers. They rutted against each other and cuddled close when they cooled down.

Today was spent in the yard.

Ryan sat under the oak tree strumming away on Dan’s guitar. His voice ringing out amongst the rustling leaves. Dad sat contently on the porch drawing.

“Quite the little song bird,” Dan’s dad commented as he took a seat on the porch.

Dan looked up from his drawing and focused on Ryan’s voice. The yard was full of song and the birds were excitedly chirping back at Ryan. He went back to his drawing and listened intently the beautiful voice that filled his world. Dan’s dad gave the news paper a shake and settled down to listen as well.

Ryan’s voice carried, “Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns, and calls me on and on across the universe. Jai guru deva om, nothings going to change my world, nothings going to change my world.”

The song brought Dan inspiration as he sketched his outline. Before long he went racing in the house in search of coloring materials. He run off during Ryan’s version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and got back in time to catch the ending. The Beatles kept Dan company as he worked away at his latest masterpiece.

“What are you drawing, Dan?” his dad asked folding up the paper. His hunt in the cars and housing section were done and he was aware of the creativity around him again.

Dan stopped his coloring and handed the sketchbook over to his dad. His dad studied the drawing in front of him. He didn’t know where all the artistic talent came from but he always enjoyed looking at his oldest son’s art. “He’ll like it,” he commented as he handed the book back.

As the afternoon slipped away, Dan got up from his spot on the porch and joined Ryan under the oak tree. They sat next to one another and watched the cotton candy clouds form in the sky. Ryan set the guitar aside and Dan’s sketchbook sat closed next to him. Shuffling back, Dan leaned against the tree trunk and he pulled at Ryan’s arm gently. The hint was clear and Ryan scooted back between Dan’s legs. His back rested against Dan’s chest and he felt thin arms wrap around his shoulders. Dan kissed Ryan’s hair and cuddled him closely.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Dan asked nervously.

Ryan’s heart pounded hard in his chest and his face was already starting to hurt from the grin that was tugging at the sides of his lips. “I’d love too.”

**

_Ryan checked his phone._

_Four hours._

_He had just returned from the bank and grocery store. There was enough time to get the roast in the oven and start working on his latest project. He unloaded the groceries and abandoned his responsibilities in the kitchen as soon as he could._

_Clenching the purple Sharpie tight in his hand, Ryan made a detour to the bathroom to stash the marker in his make up bag. He buried it beneath his eyeliner pencils and other cosmetics. Mark would never go into his make up bag but he couldn’t risk it. There was a little bubble of anticipation building within Ryan. He had two weeks to wait but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get his stuff prepared. He’d never make the same mistake he did the first time he tried to leave._

_Looking in the mirror, Ryan took in his appearance. The dark purple bruise on the side of his cheek and marks on his neck made him cringe. He looked terrible. A loud sigh filled the bathroom and Ryan walked away from his reflection. He couldn’t stand to look at himself._

_He ventured into his small study and looked at his bookshelf. His long fingers tapped along the spines of some of his books. He needed the right one. One he wouldn’t miss. His fingers stopped on his dad’s prized first edition of From the Earth to the Moon and he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. It was held together with pieces of twine. He’d never opened it but he assumed it was falling apart and that was why his dad had bound it that way. He couldn’t part with his dad’s book. He saw his dad on many occasions flipping through that book and knew it had been passed down a few generations._

_He kept looking. His collection was small. A few special additions and autographed books were on his shelf of the bookcase. When he moved in with Mark, he only kept his most important books with him. The rest fit into one box and stayed with Jon along with his instruments. His fingers skimmed along the spines again in the hunt for the right book. Half of the books were gifts from Mark. He hated most of the books he was given. He had no interest in Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte – his forced stint with reading their works in university was enough. Basically, if the book was considered a classic Mark bought it for him._

_It all started when Mark first hit him. Instead of giving Ryan flowers as an apology he would go pick up a book. Only when he left Ryan with serious injuries or broken bones would he come home with flowers and other little gifts. It made the lump in his throat returned as all the bad memories popped into his head._

_His hand stopped on Wuthering Heights and he considered it for a moment. He didn’t mind the story and Kate Bush had made quite a musical tribute to it. It was ironic when he thought of how possessive Heathcliff was. He didn’t mind Emily Bronte, if anything this book was worth keeping. He shuffled it closer to his special additions. His search continued till he spotted it._

_Sense and Sensibility._

_He despised that book. He couldn’t stand it when he had to read it and he was given it after Mark had broke his nose. It had a leather cover and tried to come off as a grand first edition but it was nothing but a cheap mass-produced hardcover that was sold to idiots like his boyfriend. He plucked it off the shelf and sneered at it. It would do. Ryan felt a bubbly feeling overcome him as he skipped over to his desk with that book._

_Dropping it down on the desk, he dug around in the drawers for cutting materials and a ruler. Sitting down he got to work. He traced an outline so he could cut the book apart. He got the idea from all the movies he used to watch with his dad. The old movies where people had a book that had been modified to stash away valuables and money. He left a good selection of pages in the front and the back before he started his project of dissecting the book. He worked diligently on his project and felt a sense of pride with the finished product. He slipped the wad of cash and his passport into the book and put the book back on the shelf._

_Smiling to himself, Ryan went back into the kitchen and worked on supper. He felt a surge of hopefulness. This could work._

**

Spencer held the ice to his knuckles and prayed the swelling would go down. Beside him Brendon leapt about in excitement. His facial expressions were animated and full of life.

“Sit the hell down you’re making me anxious,” Spencer griped. He pressed the ice pack tightly around his hand. Brendon’s grinning face was terrifying him. No one should be that happy. He didn’t know what was worse having his friend moving about the room or having him sitting down next to him.

Brendon continued to bounce about like a jittery canary till he finally settled down beside Spencer. He kept grinning like a maniac and staring at Spencer till he got the look. The look didn’t stop Brendon from opening his mouth though, “We should call Ryan!”

“No! Absolutely not! He’s had peace for five days and the last person he’s going to want to talk to after three fucking years is me,” Spencer grumbled. “Besides, you said his first official date with Dan is tonight. Why would we want to ruin his day?”

Brendon huffed out an annoyed sound and let his manic smile calm down. His head drop onto Spencer’s shoulder and he relaxed for a moment. He knew Ryan wanted to talk to Spencer. Brendon knew he hurt Ryan in the past and the fact that Ryan would talk to him every day made him feel good. If he could get Spencer on the phone though, that would truly brighten Ryan’s day. 

“Ryan misses you. We wouldn’t be ruining his day if anything we would be adding to how amazing his day is going to be! Dan has such a great date planned!”

Spencer groaned loudly. He missed Ryan more than words could express. The thought that someone would beat Ryan up or even hurt him sexually made Spencer’s blood boil. Ryan didn’t mean to be helpless his upbringing had taught him to not fight back. Things were always worse if he fought back.

_Can’t take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid._

Ryan’s lyrics from Camisado always stuck close to Spencer and reminded him how hard Ryan really worked to get their band signed. Music was his outlet and escape. Writing saved his life when he couldn’t find the words verbally to tell them what was wrong.

“Fine, but if he in any way gets upset. Promise me Brendon,” Spencer said seriously. He waited for Brendon to respond before continuing.

Brendon gave his typical ‘yah yah’ response.

“If he gets upset, we are not going to ruin his day. He deserves to be happy,” and with that Spencer accepted his fate of letting Brendon get his phone out.

Before he could protest FaceTime the request was sent. They waited in silence but he could feel the happiness radiating from Brendon. Part of Spencer was scared to see Ryan after so long. They didn’t part on good terms.

_“Of course, you’d take Brendon’s side,” Ryan pouted._

_Spencer groaned and threw some more of Brendon’s stuff into boxes. Ryan was trying his patience. It seemed easier to divide the work to get the house cleared out. Brendon insisted Ryan should keep the house but they ended up agreeing to just sell it._

_“You’re the one who decided you wanted to leave the band after breaking up with Brendon,” Spencer snipped back. Ryan’s pouting was cute but he wasn’t falling for it. He hated being torn between his best friend and the band._

_Ryan’s pout morphed into a scowl over the comment. His glare was one Spencer had never saw before and Ryan had a lot of different glares. “Oh, because it is so easy to get over him,” Ryan said sarcastically._

_“It was easy for him,” Spencer laughed._

_Spencer regretted what he said instantly. His tongue was loose from the bottle of Jack Daniels he grabbed from the liquor cabinet earlier. He kept chugging it as he packed Brendon’s stuff. Ryan’s moodiness was too much for him to handle and taking off the edge made it easier. He didn’t notice Ryan’s brown eyes peering holes through him or peering cautiously at the bottle. He didn’t notice Ryan crossing the room or standing in front of him but the moment he bent down to grab the bottle of Jack he noticed._

_Spencer’s hand shot out and firmly grabbed at the thin wrist of his best friend. His grip got tighter for a second. The whimper of pain or maybe it was shock, Spencer didn’t really know made him realize what he was doing. He caught sight of Ryan looking at him fearfully. A look he never expected to see ever in his life. Ryan gently tugged his hand away like a toddler tugging away from his parent and looked sadly at Spencer._

_“I’ll drive you home,” he offered as he went to get his car keys._

_They drove in quietude till they arrived at Spencer’s house and Ryan ignored his apology. The saddened look on Ryan’s pouting face made him realize they had crossed a new line. One either of them ever thought would be crossed and neither of them knew how to talk about what happened. Sighing, Ryan said goodbye._

_Spencer watched him drive away. His goodbye was stuck in his throat like a giant lump. Along with all his regrets and drunkenness._

“You should read your texts,” the blonde chided as he came into view on the screen.

Brendon laughed and greeted him with his usual friendliness. Spencer sat quietly taking in the appearance of the man that Ryan was staying with now. He recognized him from Ryland’s photos but he still felt a pang of jealousy. Ryan trusting a stranger over his own friends confused him. Brendon continued to chatter away about the date and how excited Ryan was about it.

“I just picked up Ryan’s new phone so you should call him in a few. Keep him distracted long enough for me to get some stuff from the basement,” Dan laughed as he exited his car and made his way towards the house.

“He’s like a bird, give him a mirror and he’ll stand in front of it preening for hours,” Spencer said breaking his silence.

Brendon and Dan both laughed at the comment. They all knew that was true. Ryan could always find something to fuss over whether it be his hair, make up, or outfit. Touring had taught Brendon and Spencer a thing or two about getting Ryan away from the mirror. If he had to focus on the other band members make up it was easier to rush him along. “He’s a shower hog but I think I’m getting used to it,” Dan said.

“He’s a bed hog. He just hasn’t gotten comfortable enough with you to try it,” Brendon retorted.

Spencer felt his jealousy melt away. The fondness he saw in Dan’s facial expressions when he spoke of Ryan made him like Dan more. “He hogs the sheets mostly and has the world’s coldest feet,” Spencer added.

“Oh my god, he does!” Dan laughed again. “He woke me up from a sound sleep putting them on my back!”

“He’ll do that when you’re watching a movie too. Beware,” Spencer said smiling wide at the blonde.

Dan stood in front of the basement door and waited. He gave the boys fair warning he was hanging up and told them to call Ryan’s number. It’d make this surprise more fun. As Brendon located the new number for Ryan, Spencer couldn’t help but feel excited to see Ryan’s face. The last time he really saw him was when his hair was still in the awkward phase of being too short to really do much with it but spike it up. They sent their FaceTime request again and Dan answered.

“Ryan!” Dan yelled down the stairs. “Phone for you!”

The sound of swears and a thump on the stairs made Dan throw the door open. Ryan came up the stairs in his boxers and a hoodie. He squinted at Dan and he knew why he heard a thud.

“Put your glasses on,” Dan teased as he trotted down the first few steps to meet the blind brunette. He handed over the iPhone and waited to Ryan to realize he was no longer using Dan’s phone. “Are you ok, skittle?” Dan asked feeling suddenly worried.

Ryan beamed at him. He stood up on his tiptoes and planted a soft kiss to Dan’s lips. “I’m fine, stop worrying. Who is it?” Ryan asked.

Looking down he saw the smiling faces of two people he knew well watching him on the phone’s screen. They’d seen him kiss Dan and by the sounds of light snickering they found it amusing.

“Dan! You could have warned me it was a video call!” Ryan shrieked. His cheeks started to burn as he realized this wasn’t Dan’s phone.

Dan smiled deviously at him, “You look so cute when you blush. I don’t regret anything.”

“Thanks for the phone,” Ryan grumbled as he started back down the stairs. Behind him, Dan followed so he could get some stuff from his room. Plopping down on the couch, Ryan faced his two friends.

“So, we thought you would enjoy a phone call on your new phone,” Brendon started. His bubbliness seemed to soften the little scowl on Ryan’s face. “And Spencer wants to tell you something really epic!”

Dan popped back into the frame for a moment and handed over Ryan’s glasses before pecking him on the cheek. The hoots and hollers from Spencer and Brendon seemed to redden Ryan’s blush.

“What could be more epic than you two seeing me kiss Dan?” Ryan asked sarcastically.

Brendon grabbed Spencer’s hand and held it up in plain view of the screen. Ryan saw the towel wrapped around his hand and what he assumed as an ice pack. Spencer winced a bit at the movement of his hand. Brendon’s happiness and Spencer’s shyness played off one another. “Go on Spencer,” Brendon pushed.

Groaning Spencer looked at Ryan, who was looking at him like he always had. His brown eyes were pools of compassion and curiosity. Clearing his throat, he decided to get this over with.

“Mark showed up at my house today,” Spencer started. He watched Ryan worry his bottom lip. “Ry, don’t worry. If anything, I think he got the hint,” he said reassuringly.

“Spencer beat the shit out of him!” Brendon chimed in. His excitement was making him bounce beside Spencer.

They watched as a weirdly wide grin formed on Ryan’s face. “You beat up Mark?”

“I might have lost my temper a little,” Spencer admitted.

“Spencer’s whole hand is swollen up and his knuckles are cracked! He looks like he’s part of Fight Club!”

Laughter filled the basement as Ryan imagined Spencer going after Mark. He expected it to be Pete that would have gotten violent not Spencer. “I can’t believe this. You? You’re too nice,” Ryan chuckled. His hand came up to wipe away the tears forming in his eyes from laughing so hard. “Hold on, Dan needs to hear this. Dan!”

“And you were worried this would upset him,” Brendon whispered to Spencer.

***

Dan felt nervous as he sat in the living room. It felt like prom all over again.

His palms were sweating as he kept looking down at his phone screen. He bobbed his knee in anticipation. He’d put a lot of thought into this date and he hoped it would impress Ryan. He decided to flick through some of his photos that he'd taken lately. He had captured little moments of Ryan being happy since they arrived in Archer City. Those moments were a stark contrast to the photos on Ryan’s old phone.

He hated thinking about those pictures. Even remembering how Ryan looked two weeks ago compared to now wrenched at his heart. He still had flinchy moments or got a vacant look on his face but he would pull through it quickly. He would look at Dan with a smile that was so full of light and happiness he knew Ryan was okay. He stopped on his favorite photo of Ryan. They spent one evening watching old horror movies and Rolo insisted on snuggling up with Ryan on the sectional. Ryan had his head resting on Rolo as he watched Psycho. He didn’t even notice Dan was taking his photo but the photo Dan loved most was when Ryan finally did notice and was giving him a fond smile. His hair was a mess and his glasses were a bit crooked but he looked beautiful in that moment.

“Dan,” Ryan whispered.

Dan jumped and quickly pocketed his phone. He looked up and saw Ryan standing in the doorway of the living room. Dan's breath hitch in his throat when he took in Ryan’s appearance. He looked amazing. His handsome features were a stark reminder why Dan was falling so hard.

He was lost for words to describe the man in front of him but he stood in the doorway confidently. His brown hair styles instead of falling in his face, his face was freshly shaved, and there was a tiny hint of eyeliner outlining his eyes. Ryan was sharply dressed in a pair of skinny black jeans, the ones Dan really liked because they hugged Ryan’s butt in the right way. A black studded belt accented his outfit and drew attention towards his sharp hips. Hips Dan loved rubbing against his own. Ryan wore a black t-shirt with a skeleton print on it accompanied by his black leather jacket. His fingers were void of rings but he finished his outfit off with a pair of black winklepickers.

He was a sight to seen and Dan was memorized. He awkwardly stood up and gave Ryan the once over before smiling widely at him.

“You look-you look amazing,” Dan said.

He didn’t miss the blush on Ryan’s cheeks or the way Ryan closed his eyes for a second to absorb the comment and opened his eyes again. His warm brown eyes looked up through his thick eyelashes affectionately. He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth as he bit back the smile that was making his face hurt. “Thank you. You look amazing yourself,” Ryan said shyly.

Dan walked over to Ryan and pressed a kiss to his forehead. They looked like a matching couple. Dan had opted for his leather jacket and a pair of black jeans. His wore a plain blue t-shirt and brown shoes but he could tell Ryan liked it. It was how Ryan was looking at him and talking that he knew he’d made a good impression so far.

“Shall we?” Dan asked offering his hand.

Ryan laughed lightheartedly and took a hold of Dan’s hand. 

The sun was starting to set and the cotton candy skies were beautifully painting the skyline. Ryan watched out the window as they drove away from the house. All afternoon he looked forward to this night. He knew Dan kept coming and going from the house, and being very secretive. They drove in silence minus the sound of The Kinks playing on the car stereo. It was going to be a warm evening but Dan was confident he had planned the best night for them. His fingers were linked with Ryan’s in their customary fashion.

For two weeks, he held Ryan’s hand through the best and the worst of times. Ryan told him the other night how it reminded him of his favorite Disney movie and Dan thought his heart was going to melt over that comment alone. But Ryan managed to top that feeling when they were laying in bed and he told Dan his favorite parts to kiss on Dan’s body.

_“I like the way you smile when I kiss you behind the ear,” Ryan chuckled as he pressed a kiss to that spot._

He went through a list of parts and Dan realized he himself had parts of Ryan he adored. That flirty little game turned into groping  and appreciating each other. Their lips trailing over body parts, exploring but not pushing boundaries. There was no rush only Ryan controlling the pace.

“We’re here,” Dan announced as he pulled the car over.

Ryan looked around and recognize where they were. Around them was a quiet street of little houses and towering trees. He followed Dan out of the car and watched him go stand on the footpath of a small yellow house. He recognized it instantly. They’d looked at this little house a few days ago.

Dan’s parents had hinted that they should find their own temporary home till things cooled down. Dan had phrased it as his mom thought their ‘relationship’ was being held back. They looked at a few houses and condos in the area and this was the one Ryan had liked the most. It was a single floor starter home but it had a lot of space. The small patio space now had a bistro set and a few planted pots. A gnome was guarding the trunk of the towering tree and the planter boxes were devoid of weeds.

“Dan?” Ryan questioned.

Dan looked nervous for a second. “I know this might seemed rushed but we are leasing by the month so if you want to move somewhere else we can. I’m sorry. I knew this might be a bad idea,” Dan rambled. His hand nervously tussled his hair.

“Is this what you’ve been doing all day?” Ryan asked as he walked up the path to stand next to Dan. He could see how nervous Dan was about this but he nodded. “Then what are we waiting for? Show me around,” Ryan smiled.

Ryan let Dan lead him to the front door. He could still feel Dan’s nervousness but his confidence was returning. Walking into the small landing Ryan saw that the little house was still relatively empty. Dan toured him around the house as they discussed where all their stuff would go. Ryan noticed an air mattress made up into a make shift bed on the bedroom floor and he couldn’t help but poke a little fun at Dan. They continued their walk through playfully poking fun at each other till they got to the kitchen.

Ryan was in awe.

All around the kitchen were small fairy lights lighting up the dark space and emitting a soft glow. The table was set for two and a vase of daffodils sat in the middle of the table. An iPod dock on the kitchen table sat waiting for Dan to put on some music. Ryan walked over to the table and plucked one of the daffodils from the vase.

“New beginnings,” Ryan mused.

Dan’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest. Brendon’s advice was to get him flowers that were symbolic. The way Ryan was looking at the flower Dan could see how happy it made him. “Skittle,” Dan said as he went to stand beside him.

Ryan placed the flower back into the vase and turned to look at the tall blonde next to him. Dan’s hands cupped Ryan’s face and soft brown eyes stared back at him awestruck. That look of fondness and surprise made Dan feel proud of himself. He was the reason Ryan was smiling this way. He leaned down and sealed his lips to Ryan’s in a subdued kiss. Ryan kissed him back and the way his tongue ran along Dan’s bottom lip depends their kiss. His hands came up and tangled in Dan’s blonde hair and for a moment this kiss was different. There was a spark.

Ryan was lightheaded and Dan had butterflies. They pulled at each other for a second before Dan broke the kiss. He didn’t want the evening to get away from them that fast. Before Ryan had a chance to start their kiss back up there was a knock on the door.

“Foods here!” Dan announced as he bound off to pay the delivery man.

Dan returned with bags of food from the local Viet-Thai restaurant and a wide grin on his face.

“Your friends have been very helpful when it comes to your favorite foods,” Dan laughed as he unpacked all the cartons.

Ryan sat down and Dan joined him. They chattered and enjoyed their food. Ryan teased Dan about his chopstick skills but it was soon forgotten. They passed the take-out boxes between one another and continued to talk about their friends and how they wanted to decorate the house.

“Vinnie and Ryland are packing up my apartment and we should have our stuff in a few days,” Dan said as they started to clean up the dishes. The faint sounds of The Smiths was filling the kitchen. Ryan was bubbly and couldn’t stop stealing glances over at Dan.

“Dan, this was wonderful thank you,” Ryan gushed. His cheeks started to gain a blush and he cast his eyes down quickly.

The sun had set an hour ago while they sat at the table drinking a glass of Chardonnay and appreciating each others company. Dan caught him casting little looks over at him and he knew Ryan would love the next thing he had planned. “This isn’t the end. I still have one more thing planned for our date,” Dan said coyly.

Before Ryan could protest Dan was leading him out into the backyard with a blanket. The Texas sky was full of stars and a crescent moon and it reminded Ryan of Nevada. Dan unfolded the blanket onto the grass and gestured for Ryan to join him.

“One day, I’ll take you out to Big Bend Ranch. The view is stunning,” Dan said as he wrapped his arm around Ryan’s waist and snuggled him close to his side.

Ryan looked at the night sky from their backyard. It seemed foreign to call this their house and backyard but he liked it. “If we ever go to Nevada, I’ll take you out to Tonopah. I think you’d like going through the mines there too,” Ryan nervously laughed.

“I’ll go wherever you want. You’re in control remember?” Dan said giving Ryan a little squeeze.

The night air and the crickets chirping made Ryan realize how lucky he truly was. Everything that had happened in the last two weeks changed his life. Beside him was the most genuine human being and he wanted to give him everything. He could talk to Dan in ways he could never talk to Brendon about his past. Dan made him feel safe but most of all valuable. “Dan? Do you remember when you said you wanted me?”

“Yes. I meant every word too,” Dan said. He looked over to Ryan in fear that this was all going to end.

Ryan sensed Dan was looking at him and he turned his head to see a look. One that was understanding but concerned. Ryan hated thinking he was worrying Dan. “I know you keep worrying that we are rushing things but I feel safe with you. I’m more open and I’ve told you things my friends don’t even know about. I want to you to have every part of me,” Ryan said softly.

“And I want you to have every part of me,” Dan whispered back.

The twinkling in Ryan’s brown eyes at that moment was something Dan would never forget. He would commit that to memory for a lifetime and it would inspire him. Ryan shifted so he could lay his head in Dan’s lap and look up at the night sky. All around them the world was passing them by but they were caught in a moment. Ryan watched as a few shooting stars streaked through the sky and he knew he didn’t have to make wishes. Dan played with a piece of his hair the whole time looking at him with adoration. He didn’t seem to mind that Ryan was focused on the night sky. Ryan missed the feeling of being love or in this case appreciated.

Dan shifted a bit and Ryan sat up. He watched Dan pull out his phone and start looking for something. The sound of cheesy 70’s synths filled the night air and Ryan recognized the song. Dan threw his phone down on the blanket and stood up. His hand grabbed Ryan’s as he pulled the shorter man to his feet.

“Dance with me,” Dan chuckled as his free hand found Ryan’s hip.

The sound of Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest pumped through the phone speaker and Ryan’s free hand rest on Dan’s shoulder. He’d never been asked by a man to dance usually it was only girls who asked him. Dan swayed them gently along with the music and even though it was the cheesiest thing every, Ryan loved it. Dan pulled them closer together and Ryan rest his head on Dan’s chest.

“You’re ridiculous,” Ryan teased. This was going to be his favorite memory.

Dan looked down at him for a second, “You like it.”

Ryan didn’t have anything to say. He did like it. This was the best day of his life and he didn’t want it to end. They kept swaying against each other. Dan’s arms protective but affectionately wrapped around Ryan’s body and even though they were fully clothed it was one of their most intimate moments.

“Ry, would you?” Dan started nervously. He hesitated a moment, “Would you be…”

Ryan knew this was coming. He was listening to Dan’s heart thump loudly in his chest as he gained the courage to ask this question. “I’m yours,” Ryan said as he pressed his lips to Dan's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in a real The Kinks and The Smiths mood lately. 
> 
> If you don't know Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest have a listen :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5JqPxmYhlo
> 
> This was overly fluffy and cheesy as fuck so I apologize but I am seeing a finish line approaching and I am excited to start wrapping this story up.


	14. Chapter 14

Dan’s hands cupped Ryan’s butt as he pressed him firmly against the hallway wall. Ryan’s legs were wrapped around his waist and his fingers tangled in Dan’s hair. Their mouths passionately kissed at one another’s. Ryan’s breathy moans were making Dan crazy as he pushed him a little harder against the wall.

“Bedroom,” Ryan moaned as Dan’s groin rubbed against his. His jeans were becoming increasingly tight and he wanted to get them off. Dan started to kiss him hungrily as he pulled Ryan away from the wall. He didn’t protest; he carried the smaller man off to their bedroom. It was official, they could call it their home, their kitchen, their yard, and their bedroom. Ryan’s arms dropped from Dan’s hair to wrap around his neck. His kiss swollen lips trailed along Dan’s strong jawline and towards his neck.

Dan cautiously made his way through the bedroom doorway and tried to calm himself as Ryan nipped at his neck. He leaned down and gently laid Ryan onto the air mattress. Dan’s brain was foggy as he pushed Ryan down for a moment and wiggled free of his grip. He shrugged off his jacket and Ryan followed in a hot pursuit. His hands were busy removing clothes off Dan and himself.

“Ry,” Dan moaned as he felt the button being undone on his pants.

Brown eyes peered up at him and the seductive little smile on Ryan’s face was making Dan crazy. “I trust you,” was all Ryan said.

Dan’s fingers trailed down Ryan’s hairless chest and towards his pants. There was urgency in Ryan’s actions but all he wanted was to touch Dan and be intimate. They groped at each other’s bodies with the boundaries of their boxers but now they were two layers of clothing away from being naked. Ryan’s eyes gave Dan permission and pants were shed and thrown alongside all their other clothes.

“We don’t have to do anything, sweet boy,” Dan said as they lay side by side on the air mattress.

Ryan nuzzled his nose against Dan’s tenderly, “Dan, lose the boxers.”

Dan’s shimmied his way out of his boxers and found himself feeling a little self conscious. Ryan was looking him over and his hands found Dan’s hips. Dan’s hands played with the waist band of Ryan’s boxers as he considered it. He felt the smaller man’s hips wiggle under his grasp and he decided to just go for it. He had to hold back the snicker over Ryan’s black boxers. Obviously, he had planned the color of his underwear for tonight. Dan went for the seductive approach and slowly pulled the fabric down and away from his lover’s body.

They looked at each and took in the sights. Ryan’s blush returned as he got the courage to touch Dan’s dick. A surprised moan escaped Dan’s lips when he felt his boyfriend touch him. By instinct his hand sought out Ryan’s dick. Their foreheads were pressed against each other’s as they lazily kissed. The pace was slow as they savoured their first naked moment together. Ryan memorized all Dan’s little movements as Dan memorized all Ryan’s sounds. They fell into a rhythm that was much more relaxed than their heated session in the backyard. Dan’s lips kissed along the soft curves of Ryan’s face and down towards his neck. All the while they were immersed in pleasuring the other.

“I adore you,” Dan said as he kissed his way back up to Ryan’s lips.

Ryan’s breathing was quickening and Dan could feel him getting tense. His teeth grazed Dan’s lower lip as he kissed him back. “I adore you too,” he said emphasizing his words with his kisses.

All Ryan’s sounds became needier and it was music to Dan’s ears. His wrist flicked a bit faster and Ryan copied.

“Together?” Ryan giggled.

It took all of Dan’s might not to ruin their romantic moment with more laughter, “Together.”

**

_“Shut the fuck up and take it,” Mark screamed._

_Ryan’s head whipped violently to the side from the force of Mark’s slap. He tried to think of anyone else – Pete, Brendon, even Spencer. Ryan’s eyes stayed shut but tears were seeping from the corners. Everything hurt. All the bruises were starting to form on his porcelain skin and Mark didn’t care. He came home drunk and Ryan had rejected him._

_“If you would just be in the mood, this wouldn’t happen,” Mark spat viciously as he slammed into Ryan’s body._

_He thought of Brendon as he tried to escape into his memories. The cabin in the woods. Cricket and Clover. Brendon’s smile as he beamed down upon him like the sun. The feeling of their naked bodies pressed against one another, sweat gleaming, and the light breeze of night creeping in through the window. The smell of Brendon’s Old Spice filled Ryan’s senses and made him dizzy with love and lust._

_The big man on top of Ryan smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. Rough hands held down his hips and every time he whimpered or made protest he got hit._

_Brendon’s hands were always soft against his hips. His fingers would tangle into Ryan’s hair and affectionately pull at it._

_Mark kept slamming mercilessly into Ryan’s body and he didn’t seem to care. When he sobered up he’d feel bad and try to make Ryan feel better. He’d give him a book or flowers. Maybe even go out to a movie when the bruises faded. Another slap disturbed his thoughts of Brendon._

_“Please stop,” Ryan whimpered._

_The sound of cruel laughter rang through his ears but he willed Brendon back to his thoughts. The memory of his darling Beebo leaning over the edge of the hammock looking at him through thick glasses. His smile was huge as his singsong voice sang out his first “I love you”._

_“Shut up!”_

_The blood trailing from Ryan’s split lip didn’t deter Mark from harshly kissing him or wrapping his hand around Ryan’s thin throat. The grunts and threats were swimming around Ryan but he blocked them out just like Mark was blocking off his air supply as he came. He struggled; if he was going to suffocate all he wanted to remember was Brendon’s smile._

Ryan woke with a start.

His skin was damp with a cold sweat and his eyes hurt. He sat up for a moment and took in his surroundings. Dan was asleep beside him and the warm green hue of the lava lamp they were using as a temporary beside lamp cast an eerie glow upon the walls. Rubbing at his eyes he could feel the irritating rub of his contacts.

It was a dream.

A dream followed by eye pain and a splitting headache.

Ryan shuffled from the bed carefully as not to wake Dan and made his way across the hall to the bathroom. Part of Dan’s little game in the afternoon was gathering items to put in the bathroom. He’d managed to snag some of the more essential items such as toothbrushes and saline solution. He was going to kiss Dan later for that. Grabbing the saline, Ryan tilted his head back and squeezed two drops into each eye. Clasping his eyes shut against the assault of the bathroom light he gave his eyes a minute to moisten. He hummed a little tune as he waited a moment longer. Slowly opening his eyes again, he felt the pain dull a bit before he removed his contacts. Dropping a few more drops of saline in his eyes, he ventured back to bed. When back under the covers he wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist and spooned him. His thoughts replaying the moment they shared in the yard as he drifted back to sleep.

**

“Why is it your business?” Ryan teased playfully.

Brendon and Spencer were whining and begging for details. Most of the night they had been sending texts asking for updates on what all happened. The fact that they had a sleepover because of Ryan’s first date was enough to send Ryan into a fit of laughter.

“Come on, Ryan! What all happened?” Brendon pried.

Spencer sat beside him on the couch bouncing giddily, “Yah, come on. We all have bets riding on this.”

Ryan wasn’t exactly sure why he was up at this ungodly hour sitting on the doorway step in his backyard but he was. The birds were not even bopping around yet and the smell of damp grass filled his lungs. A little smile played upon his face when he thought about Dan asking him to dance. On the phone screen two eager faces kept prodding for more information. It also didn’t surprise him at all that there would be bets circulating amongst his friends.

“He asked me to be his boyfriend,” Ryan blushed.

The collective cheers were a little much at 8:04 am Ryan’s time but he accepted their happiness and blessings. Even if they were overly boisterous.

“How did he ask?” it was Spencer’s turn to pry.

Groaning, Ryan went into detail of how their night played out. Even though it was early he was already feeling the happiness bubbling up inside of him as he told his friends everything. “So, when we were dancing he got nervous while asking me. It was adorable,” Ryan gushed.

“I know that look. You did something else!” Brendon accused.

Ryan’s cheeks flushed more, “Um, no.”

“Bren, leave it alone. That’s not our business,” Spencer defended. He knew there was a limit. There might have been a bet or two but they still needed to be respectful. Beside him Brendon pouted a little and tried to use the puppy dog eyes.

In Brendon’s defense, it was an effective way to get what he wanted and it usually worked especially on Ryan. He would say no and be stubborn but Ryan eventually did give into Brendon’s wants. He kept his pouting act up hoping it would sway Ryan’s shyness.

“We did a little more then feeling each other up,” Ryan mumbled.

Spencer elbowed Brendon in the ribs before he could ask anymore questions. “Ow! Asshole! That hurt,” Brendon yipped as he shuffled away from the other man on the couch.

“So, the flowers. What kind did he end up getting you?” Brendon said switching tactics. He rubbed at his ribs and glared daggers over at Spencer.

Ryan pulled himself up to his feet and walked over to the kitchen table. He loved the flowers. Dan had put a lot of thought into his choice and those minute details were things Ryan appreciated most. He plucked one of the daffodils out of the vase and brought it into frame of the phone screen. He didn’t expect Dan to get him flowers. He kind of hated getting flowers. They were always part of negative events in his life like his dad’s funeral or Mark. They were always roses or carnations. Dan’s flowers were different. Beautiful yellow daffodils in a small glass vase with a purple ribbon tied around middle. The confused looks on Spencer and Brendon’s faces made him realize they didn’t get the meaning.

“Daffodils mean new beginnings,” Ryan clarified as he put the flower back in it’s rightful place.

The collective awhs made Ryan feel lucky.

“That’s honestly the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard,” Brendon said.

Spencer watched Ryan’s shy smile break across his face. He loved when Ryan smiled like that. That little smile was so full of meaning. Modesty but bliss. Pete said Ryan’s demeanor had changed quite a bit since the first day they talked. Dan talked about the shift between them since day one too. They all noticed how comfortable and open Ryan was being about Mark. Will believed it was Dan that made him feel secure enough to talk about what happened. All he ever wanted for Ryan was stability. He didn’t want his best friend to hurt anymore or be hurt by someone.

Clearing his throat Spencer wanted to make a point before they let Ryan go wake Dan up. “I’m happy for you, Ry. Now can you do something for me? Would you call Patrick this afternoon?”

Ryan eyed him suspiciously he didn’t seem to be giving that deflated little look to anyone but Spencer. His face hardened a little bit the way it did when he scowled (which could be a lot).

“It’s nothing bad. Pete and Patrick just had an idea,” Spencer started. “Oh, common. Don’t stop smiling over this. It’s to help you and Dan.”

“Ok. Anyways I’m hungry so I should go wake up Dan,” Ryan said. He gave them a reassuring smile before hanging up.

**

Dan steadied the phone in his hand and tried to stifle his laughter as Ryan wrinkled up his nose.

“One more photo,” Dan suggested as he waited for Ryan to smile. The warm glow of the restaurant set a certain mood for the photo.

Pete and Patrick had a promising idea to discourage Mark further.

It was all very simple. The plan was for Ryan to take a risk on social media. Pete asked him to post a photo of how Mark hurt him. The whole plan was to get Mark’s abuse out in the public and that would cause him to be distracted. Dan rubbed at Ryan’s shoulder and helped him look through his photos. They chose a photo where Ryan had his lip split open and it was bleeding. There was a cut on his cheekbone, blood was slowly flowing from his nose and his eyes were starting to swell. He looked genuinely miserable. It was Patrick’s idea for Dan and Ryan to get their relationship out there as soon as possible too.

Dan took that as they should take a million selfies and post them. Ryan pretended to hate the idea but he was okay with it. He might even dare say he loved taking photos with Dan. They made a cute couple and every photo Ryan wanted to share with the world. Maybe not the one of them laying in bed together but almost all of them.

Ryan gave a small half smile as Dan snapped the photo.

“I think that’s the one,” Ryan said as he took Dan’s phone to study the photo. He swiped through a few of their other photos but he felt that it was the one. Dan peered over his shoulder and looked at the photo Ryan was studying. He reached up and twisted a piece of Ryan’s hair between his fingers affectionately.

Dan didn’t want to admit to how nervous he was for Ryan to post these photos. When they were searching for a photo from Ryan’s past he could feel the tension building. The happiness he had watched Ryan achieve was being disturbed by sifting through his past. Especially after their special night. He kept his calm as they found the right photo. Ryan’s brown eyes were full of sadness as he posted the photo to his very bare Instagram with the following quote:

 **thisistherealryanross** I’m no longer afraid of monsters, because I once loved one. #markablemen

Dan wanted to wait a while and let the photo sink in before they posted their photo together. It was a risk and Dan told Ryan to sign out of his Instagram for the rest of the day. He decided to tread lightly all day. Ryan dragged him into the bedroom later afternoon for some much needed naked snuggles before they went out for supper. Dan knew some spicy chicken wings would lift Ryan’s spirits.

“Ryan? If this is too much no one is going to be mad at you,” Dan said still playing with his boyfriend’s hair.

A nervous chuckle came from Ryan as he leaned more against Dan. “I’ll be ok,” he said. He wanted to say he had been through worse. He hated letting the world know he was abused but if it would stop Mark from hunting him down he would do whatever it took.

Dan felt how relaxed Ryan was leaning against him, “How about I make it up to you at home?”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Ryan turned to look at Dan. Blue eyes stared back at him full of so much care and fondness he melted. His heart started to pump faster in his chest as he stared back at his giant.

Dan’s hand trailed from his hair and trailed slowly down his neck. His thumb massaged at Ryan’s hairline and down towards his shoulder. “You seem a little tense, I could always give you a massage,” Dan whispered into Ryan’s ear.

Ryan melted into the touch. Dan’s offer had his mind racing a mile a minute. Every sexual thought imaginable was coursing through him and he didn’t want to wait much longer. “I have some tension in my back and hips,” Ryan smirked seductively.

“I can probably fix that,” Dan smirked back.

**

He flipped the furniture in all directions.

He smashed all the breakable contents of the kitchen.

Anything that Ryan had left behind he destroyed.

After an hour of trashing their house. Well not their house but his house Mark finally sat down.

His career was over.

36, 572 people saw Ryan’s first Instagram photo in two years.

The comments were almost as high in numbers. His phone was buzzing with notifications because Ryan’s fanbase were commenting on everything.

That hashtag was going to be his undoing. How could Ryan do that to him?

He couldn’t escape it. He also couldn't escape the press asking what happened to his face - fucking Spencer. Ryan's friend was a complete nut job. 

Every social media outlet was sharing it especially Ryan’s friends.

Later that evening Ryan deleted their relationship from Facebook and deleted him along with all their photos.

His manager called him about preparing a press statement. A public apology to Ryan and acknowledging the abuse should cool down the masses for a bit.

Mark felt his eyes itching.

He truly hated Ryan for this. His phone felt like a hot coal in his hand. He kept looking at the picture Ryan posted. Ryan’s bleeding lip and nose, cut cheek, and swollen eyes made him feel something he wasn’t familiar with.

He was angry but felt a pang of contrition.

Through his anger he had taken a moment to DM Ryan through Instagram:

‘I’ll fucking find you, Ry.’

That would probably come back to bite him in the ass. He wanted to strangle the little prick but seeing how in pain Ryan looked in that photo was his moment of clarity. Ryan referred to him as a monster and he truly felt like one.

**

Three days later.

Dan tried his best to keep his composure. Ryan’s hands held his hips still as his tongue licked along the length of Dan’s dick.

“God, you’re so good at that,” Dan moaned out as he looked down at Ryan. His hands gripped at the kitchen countertop.

Ryan hollowed his cheeks and sucked more of Dan’s length into his mouth. He liked all Dan’s compliments and the way he could make the bigger man weak at the knees. Ryan hummed in acknowledge of the compliment. He felt Dan’s hand gently twisting in his hair as encouragement.

Things had settled down since Ryan’s photo was posted. Instead of dwelling on what the world was saying Ryan and Dan immersed themselves in each other. They stayed off social media completely. Dan quit trying to slow things down, Ryan was the one who instigated moving up the third base. Now they couldn’t keep their hands off at each other.

Dan choked on a moan as he felt Ryan take in even more. Ryan looked up through his thick lashes for approval.

“I’m not gonna last if-“

A loud knock on the door made Dan jump midsentence.

“Ignore it,” Ryan mumbled with his mouth full.

The knocking got more obnoxious but Ryan held Dan's hips in place as he sucked at the dick in his mouth. His tongue knew all the right ways to lick and roll. Ryan sucked him more down his throat as he felt Dan’s hand tightening in his hair.

“Ryan!” Dan moaned loudly as Ryan kept his mouth clasped around him. He couldn’t hold back and he came without much more warning.

The knocking stopped but was replaced by something much worse, “DAN! Are you done! Open the door!!”

Ryan’s cheeks instantly went red as he let Dan’s dick fall from his mouth. Dan looked down slightly mortified.

“Vinnie,” Dan stuttered awkwardly.

**

“I hope you guys don’t mind us staying with you for a few nights,” Vinnie said kindly as he took a seat on the couch.

After the awkward greetings at the door, Vinnie and Ryland started to unload the U-Haul. The whole time Ryland teased Ryan about his sex hair. It took a few hours but now with some furniture and a real bed, it felt more like home. There was still a lot left to unpack and set up but there was now stuff filling the once empty house.

It was early evening now and everyone was sitting in in the living room relaxing.

Ryan looked to Dan for the answer. He didn’t care if the guys stayed if anything he appreciated them bringing all Dan’s stuff from LA.

“Yah, it’s fine with us. You’ll have to sleep on the air mattress though,” Dan laughed.

Vinnie glared over at Ryland for a moment, “After what Ryland did in the motel, I don’t want to sleep next to him for a while.”

“Oh, because Saint Vinnie over there has never touched his dick before,” Ryland said sarcastically.

Ryan and Dan shared a similar look of confusion. Dan looked to Vinnie for some clarification.

“You don’t whack off next to your friend!”

Dan stifled his laughter as he gently elbowed Ryan and hinted they should leave the room. They left the two to finish their argument.

**

Ryan and Dan both looked at the high number of likes and comments that had flooded Ryan’s Instagram. An outpour of supportive fans left him well wishes and hopes that he was safe.

“I think it’s time,” Ryan said smiling down at his phone. Beside him Dan was lounging in bed. They were procrastinating about getting up because it meant they’d have to make breakfast for Ryland and Vinnie.

Dan pressed kisses to Ryan’s neck in fond encouragement. “Then let’s upload the photo,” he said emphasizing each word with a kiss.

Ryan busied himself and uploaded their photo. He couldn’t help but feel the excitement bubbling within him as he looked at how official it was.

**thisistherealryanross** boyfriend ❤ @dankeyes

As he was about to log out he noticed a DM notification. His curiosity got the best of him as he clicked on the familiar name.

 **MarkAblemen** : I’ll fucking find you, Ry.

Dan stopped kissing along Ryan’s neck and looked down at the phone. He saw the message and who it was from. He waited. It was sent a few days ago. Beside him Ryan glared down at it. Dan was worried, this could unhinge everything. Ryan looked up at him and his little smile didn’t falter. His body didn’t tense nor did he feel any fear.

“Ry?” Dan questioned.

Pressing a loving kiss to Dan’s lips for reassurance Ryan typed a quick response and handed his phone over to Dan. He looked at the response and couldn’t feel prouder as he set the phone aside. “Come here you giant,” Ryan said pulling him down on top of him.

On the bedside table, the phone screen blacked out on Ryan’s message.

 **thisistherealryanross** : then come and get me.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been away dealing with life!
> 
> We're coming to the closing chapters. 
> 
> Also, to say I adore you is a way of saying I really like you. It's different meaning to different people.


	15. Chapter 15

 Like the wind bringing in the storm, friends found their way to Ryan and Dan’s house. They brought happiness along with memories. Each one of them rekindling their friendship and love for Ryan. It was cause for celebration. The end of pain and suffering in exchange for happiness and freedom. Each one of his friend’s opening their arms up to Dan and each were truly thankful the life that was saved.

The press statement from Mark Ablemen was never watched by Ryan or Dan. Neither of them cared what the man had to say. They blocked him from all social media and started to forge forward with their own lives. Their home and needs were more important.

For two weeks friends came to visit and help settle the new home. What once was an empty house with nothing more than a mattress, lava lamp, fairy lights, and a table with chairs was now full of furniture. The second bedroom was converted into a music room and office. The walls were covered in Dan’s art and Ryan’s guitars. Jon was kind enough to drive down with a U-Haul that contained all of Ryan’s gear. Ryan spent hours playing every guitar and reuniting himself with them.

Memories flooded in when he found his first guitar.

It wasn’t much more than a Sears guitar but it meant the world to him. Even as he grew as a guitarist he couldn’t part with the instrument. His dad didn’t give him a whole lot but getting him a guitar for Christmas was one of the more decent things he did. He could remember how reluctant his dad was about getting a guitar because then there would be guitar lessons and upgrades but Ryan made do. He taught himself. He saved his money for picks and strings when he needed them. He never once asked for more.

“My dad stayed sober that Christmas,” Ryan told Dan as he showed him the guitar. “I don’t know what meant more to me, the guitar or him being sober for once.”

_Ryan awoke to find his dad waiting in the living Christmas morning._

_Even though there were only two presents under their pathetic little tree the fact that there were no alcohol bottles or a glass on the coffee table made Ryan hopeful._

_“Merry Christmas,” George said._

_Ryan gave him a small smile and greeted him. He nervously picked up the small box that held his dad’s Christmas gift. He handed over the neatly wrapped box and took a seat on the couch. He watched as his dad opened the box and took out the engraved lighter with the quote “How many things have been denied one day, only to become realities the next!” etched on it._

_“This is something! Thanks kid,” George said happily._

_When it was Ryan’s turn his dad watched him intently. In his twelve-year-old world, he wasn’t used to his dad being so alert and sober but he was enjoying it. The excitement was bubbling as he opened the big box that contained a tobacco burst electric guitar._

_“Now, I expect great things,” his dad teased._

_Ryan sprang up and hugged his dad. He couldn’t wait to tell Spencer he got a guitar._

The more stuff that got unpacked from Ryan’s past brought more stories. Dan sat back and listened to the man who once was so guarded. Confidence radiated off him like morning sunlight and he smiled all the time. There were fewer nightmares and when that distant look invaded Ryan’s brown eyes he wanted to talk. He welcomed all kinds of affection and didn’t shy away from a touch. The bruises he had when he first met Dan were now yellowed or completely faded away; never again to taint his porcelain skin.

Ryan walked tall and free through Archer City. Though he still liked the company of Dan being near, he would take a walk out to the store by himself. There was no reason to look over his shoulder. Mark wasn’t coming after him, he was too much of a coward to even dare come after Ryan. Spencer had really put Mark in his place and Pete was prepared to give him a second helping if he didn’t learn the first time. The photo went viral, it was everywhere and Mark couldn’t escape the press. On all the tabloids, he was seen trying to avoid everyone and put his actions to rest.

Things were settling down now.

The press left Ryan alone which was a request from Dan and friends. He put his book full of cash into a bank account and paid his share of everything. He played guitar and read to his heart's content. Dan started to teach him how to paint which was a messy adventure he hated to admit he was enjoying.

“Where do you want these?” Dan asked holding up the remainder of Ryan’s suitcase. In the bottom was a book and a few other times.

Ryan peeked into the suitcase and felt his heartbeat slow. Guilt flooded him instantly as he saw his dad’s nesting dolls all strewn about among the Jules Verne book and the dog tags. “The book can go on the shelf in the office and these I’ll sort out,” Ryan said taking the bag from Dan.

Somehow even after a month of living in the house there seemed to be a never-ending surge of small items that had yet to find their place.

“Be very careful with that,” Ryan said nervously. “It was my dad’s favorite thing besides these nesting dolls.”

Dan gave him a reassuring smile and took the twine wrapped copy of From the Earth to the Moon carefully into his hands. He left the living room and made his way to their very Bohemian office. All the way he rolled a piece of the twine between his fingers and wondered how much it would cost to get the book refurbished. If it was such a valuable item surely it would be worth repairing. It was inside the office that curiosity got the better of Dan. Ryan asked him to be careful and he was nothing but careful as he sat down in the middle of the room and undid the twine.

With the twine gone, he opened the book with caution and assessed the damage. He flipped through the first few pages and saw nothing. The twine had to be there for a reason. Curiosity kept Dan turning pages till he flipped open a page to a picture. It was old, a photo of a man who looked like Ryan and a blonde woman holding a small child. Another page revealed a photo of Ryan when he was a little kid dressed up as a superhero with another little boy he could only assume was Spencer. Each page after that had something tucked away in it. Photos, drawings, newspaper clippings and magazine articles, and lastly a letter.

In a way Dan felt like he was snooping through Ryan’s past but he noticed how specific each of the items were that had been tucked away for safekeeping. Ryan's dad intentionally hoped he would find this. With the book lying open and the thick envelop just begging to be opened, Dan ran to get Ryan and he sat quietly as his boyfriend combed through the book looking at everything within it.

Tears trailed down Ryan’s cheeks but inside he felt something different. It was the feeling of inner peace as he looked at all the little things his dad saved. Even to have a photo with his mother in it was a reminder she once was part of his life and his dad saved a photo for him after burning all the rest. The letter was something else.

Dan’s arm found its way around Ryan’s shoulders as he held him close to comfort him. “What does it say?”

“He was proud of me and loved me,” Ryan said through tears. He dreamed of this letter, even that conversation for years. There were apologies but amongst those were words of encouragement and love. “Your snoopiness payed off. Thank you.”

“Anytime skittle,” Dan said pressing a kiss to Ryan’s cheek.

**/One Year Later\**

Under the dark Nevada sky, Dan and Ryan looked up at the stars.

“Hard to believe a year ago today I asked you to dance in the moonlight,” Dan laughed.

Ryan’s cheeks hurt from the smile that was plastered on his face. This year was full of adventures and growth. Dan gave him the world and the means to explore it. Every morning he woke up to see the man he was in love with smiling at him. The only hands that were laid upon him were in affection. Sex was a choice and something they loved to do together. There were no more nightmares, not an ounce of fear or doubt. All the hesitation was gone from Ryan’s life and replaced with a feeling of euphoria. A lot of the anxiety was eased because of the little Bengal kitten Dan brought home. Captain Knots became their “son” and they spoiled him rotten.

They decided to finally make the trip out to Nevada to spend their first anniversary. After visiting Ryan’s dad’s grave, they went out to Tonopah to stargaze. The whole way there Dan tried to convince him they should stay at the Clown Motel. A shiver ran down Ryan’s spine with that comment. They lay under a blanket of nebulas and age-old stars. This moment was as special as a year ago. One year of giving all of themselves to each other and falling continuously in love.

“Dan?”

Humming in acknowledgement Dan continued to look up at the sky. He was searching for a shooting star. He didn’t need to wish for anything, he had everything he wanted. If he could roll over and look at his boyfriend he would but Ryan’s head was resting on the folded arms behind his head.

“I love you,” Ryan whispered.

Dan’s own smile pulled at the corners of his lips. All night he was waiting for the best moment to say it but Ryan beat him to it. There were some amazing firsts with Ryan but this was Dan’s favorite. All the butterflies fluttered in his belly. “I love you too, Ryan.”

To think it all started with something as simple as a purple dot and a blonde bartender who was observant. Ryan never expected to take Dan’s hand that night in the club and a year later be here. He had managed to escape his abuser and find love in another. He got closure from his dad’s letter and visiting his dad’s grave eight years later. He got back all his friends and felt the love and support they had for him.

They stayed under the stars talking about their year together till it was finally time to go to bed. Later, Dan posted their anniversary photo and Ryan snuggled up against him in their tent. Around them shooting stars streaked across the sky and Dan linked his fingers with Ryan’s. The gesture that started it all – trust, safety, and now love.

“I love you to the moon,” Dan whispered to Ryan.

“And I love you from the moon and back.”

**dankeyes** "And in his smile I see something more beautiful than the stars." Happy Anniversary @thisistherealryanross I love you ❤

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly felt done at chapter 14.  
> I always intended to leave it there with Ryan challenging Mark to come and get him.  
> But I felt there was just a little bit more I wanted to write...stuff that come to me as I built a new fence. What's great is if you hate this last chapter you can always end the story at chapter 14! Kind of like a pick your ending book!
> 
> To all those who stuck it out or started up after the hiatus, thank you so much for reading. This story was one I hated to see abandoned and now I feel better reworking the original first few chapters and adding eight chapters as well as adding 24,822 words to this story! I know I'll be back to tweak and edit off and on because I am never done but I feel finally happy with this! Again thank you for reading and all the support!


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